Shattered
by Lysha
Summary: When a jealous admirer snatches Ren's life away, Horo is tormented by the spirit of his lover who returns to haunt him. Something is very wrong... RenxHoro.
1. Blood In My Hands

**_Author's Note: _**I've been waiting so long to finally put this fic up! I'm so happy :)  
Well, welcome to my newest RenxHoro fic! It's my favourite one so far, so I'm hoping you'll all enjoy it too. It's a world away from the things I usually write, so this is new grounds for me! During the course of the story, I have alot of people to thank for different things, so look out for those in my (usually over-sized) author's notes at the start of my chapters. It was only thanks to the help of these people that this fic is what it is! This fic is nearly finished is about three quarters finished in its draft form, but I'm still open to suggestions and changes should you be kind enough to submit them to me.

**_Dedication: _**This one goes out to Day-DrEaMiNg-child and MeeLee for helping me and supporting me for quite a while now. Thank you so much you guys - you're both incredible.

**_IMPORTANT:_ **I decided I should warn everyone right from the start that this fic will get pretty dark from time to time... character death, some language, attempted suicide, and a little yaoi (very light, but there, none the less). So, if you don't like that kinda stuff, don't say I didn't warn you...

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**SHATTERED  
Chapter 1 - Blood in My Hands**

It was a late summer night, and school had not long ago ended.

Usui Horokeu and Tao Ren were headed home to Funbari Onsen, walking hand-in-hand. But Horohoro felt far from relaxed – ever since leaving the school building, he had had an odd feeling, like one of being _watched_. He tried to dismiss it as just his imagination, but the events of what had happened earlier somehow told him differently.

_-**Flashback –  
**_They had come out of the main doors of their school a little later than most, having being held back by it being their turn on the cleaning rota.

"Man, I _hate _cleaning up after everyone…" Horo complained, stretching as they stepped out into the golden glow of the late summer sun. "Cleaning rotas totally bite!"

"If you didn't complain so much and just got _on_ with it, it wouldn't take us half as long," Ren said, shooting him a sideward glance.

Horo gave a slight laugh, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment.

"There you are. I've been looking for you."

The pair had just passed the main gates, and had stepped out on to the sidewalk when they heard the voice address them.

Ren, having always had the quicker reflexes, turned first. And so, was the first of the two of them to see who it was that had spoken.

Horo followed Ren's lead, catching sight of long brown hair, chestnut eyes and a soft-looking smile that somehow had a more sinister purpose.

"Hao…" Ren seethed, golden eyes narrowing.

Horo wasn't exactly pleased to see him either. This somewhat dysfunctional Shaman had been following Ren around for months, trying to get the Chinese to agree to his insane propositions. It seemed Hao had harboured feelings for Ren for quite a while, and – obviously unaware of the relationship between Ren and Horo – had been trying to win his heart, a fruitless game that Ren was getting tired of.

"And you won't even say hello to me?" Hao said, mockingly taking an insult.

"You know I have nothing to say to you," Ren said, anger in his words. "So whatever it is you are here for, get it done, and get out of here."

"Now, now, Ren," Hao took a step forward, smiling still. "Let's not get hasty. I'm here to ask you something; I'm sure you know what it is."

Horo gave Hao a dark stare. He knew Ren wouldn't sink as low as to agree to whatever insane ideas Hao suggested but it didn't stop him hating Hao for trying to take Ren from him.

"Yes, and I think you are quite aware of my response," the Chinese retaliated, stiffening as Hao came nearer. "And that would be, go to hell. No matter what twisted ideas you have in that delusional head of yours, realise that I will never be a part of them!"

"Oh, you'd be surprised…" Hao smirked, his face close to Ren's, a determined stare in his eyes. "Make no mistake, Ren. You _will _be mine. You can only refuse me for so long."

Hao reached out a hand, as if to hold Ren's, only to have it knocked away harshly by the Chinese. "I can refuse you forever, Hao," Ren said, darkly. With not another word, Ren turned and walked away from Hao. "Just get out of my life, and keep it that way."

Before following Ren, Horo shot one last disgusted look at Hao, in time to see something inexplicable pass his face. Before Horo could look twice, Hao's expression once again morphed into a carefree smile.

"Have it your way," Horo heard Hao mutter – his undertones sounding much more dangerous than usual.

Catching up with Ren, Horo peered with worry into his lover's eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Ren replied. "But I swear, if he shows up once more…"

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Horo advised, playfully. And with a nervous glance back to make sure Hao was gone, took Ren's hand in his. He felt Ren go to instinctively pull away at first. But as he let his guard fall for a while, his grip remained firm.  
- **_Flashback end-_**

He looked down thoughtfully at their clasped hands, their entwined fingers. The two of them were just turning off an alley that led off the main street on to the small lane that would take them up to Funbari Onsen.

Horo noticed that Ren had seemed a little edgy, at least, but nowhere near as nervous as he himself felt. He almost wished that Ren would be a little anxious or _something_… the fact that Ren said nothing and didn't even seem to be fazed by Hao's words earlier made the Ainu feel twice as bad, as though he was worried enough for both of them. The feeling of being watched still hasn't left him, even up this tiny road.

The sun was beginning to disappear behind the horizon, bringing with it a sudden cold breeze. It was a heralding sign that fall would be arriving soon.

Horo shuddered as the wind caught him unexpectedly. Trying to break the silence that made him so much more on-edge, he smiled as best as he could to Ren. "It's getting pretty cold out now, don't you think?"

Ren nodded in response, saying nothing.

Horo looked thoughtful, desperate to ease this tension. "Here," he said, taking his hand from Ren's and pulling his coat around them both. He put his hand on Ren's shoulder, holding it there to shield both of them from the chilly wind.

Ren gave him a grateful smile and huddled closer to him as they walked.

The roof of the Onsen rose up over the hill, and Horo sighed with relief. He would be glad to get home, so he could escape the unseen eyes that he felt were observing he and Ren.

He could soon see the gates heralded the entrance to the yard. And… a figure, standing outside them as if waiting for something.

Yoh…?

As they reached the crest of the hill, the figure turned. Horo wasn't surprised at his mistake. After all, Hao would the closest thing you could get to Yoh…

Horo shot a glance at Ren, to see his eyes narrowed with frustration.

"What the hell do you want from me now?" Ren growled as they neared him.

Horo saw something about the brown-haired Shaman wasn't quite right. As he locked eyes on the couple, Horo noticed his face was not plastered with an easy-going smile as it usually was – there was something almost _demonic _about the grin he had now…

"This time, Ren, you've pushed it too far," Hao said, his tone low and foreboding. "You go with the pathetic little Ainu Shaman, just to get to me, is that it?"

Horo's eyes widened at Hao's words as Ren pulled himself out his grasp, furious.

"You're even more delusional than I first thought," Ren seethed. "That kind of game is _your _level, not mine."

Hao's eyes were flickering flames. "You never… _not once… _mentioned him to me."

"And why should I have? This is _my _business, and my life is no concern of yours!"

Horo could sense both Shamans' tempers flaring. He glanced nervously toward the Onsen, hoping that someone may hear and come outside to help. He didn't know how Ren would fare against Hao if things got rough. But Ren was right – Hao _did_ seem delusional, acting as though Ren was a possession of his, as though he had a right to know everything about him. This was far from the case – Horo knew Ren _despised _Hao.

"What's your business is mine, Ren," Hao retaliated. "Your _life_ is mine."

"You are not part of my life, nor have you ever been!" Ren remarked, jaw set. "And you certainly never will be."

Horo didn't even get the chance to blink before he saw Hao dart towards Ren. A gloved fist ploughed straight in to his stomach, knocking him backwards.

"Ren!" Horo called, running towards him.

Taken by surprise, Ren had been defenceless. Lying on the ground, breath knocked out of him, he managed, "Horo, get ba-"

Not even knowing where it had come from, Horo suddenly saw Hao right in front of him. A strong fist knocked him to the ground too, out of the way.

His body shook with the impact, and he struggled up from the ground to see Hao standing above Ren, pummelling angry punches into his stomach as though he had gone into a frenzy.

Scrambling to his feet, Horo ran directly at Hao, pushing him out of the way.

"Horo!" he heard Ren cry his name as he struggled against the recoil. Picking his balance, he dashed back to Ren's side.

Hao was faster. The moment, Horo's knees touched the ground, Hao punched him backwards again, the blow striking him right in the stomach.

Ren, weakened by the blows to his chest, struggling to get his breath back, wasn't able to get up before Hao's fist came down on him again.

Horo's horrified eyes saw the powerful blow collide with the side of Ren's head with a terrifying sound. Ren's cheek hit the ground as his eyes fell shut, unconscious.

"Shit, Ren!" Horo panicked. He was about to run to Ren before he remembered Hao. Horo saw him almost immediately, but it took a few moments for him to realise what Hao was doing.

The blood red of the setting sun glimmered on the blade of a knife.

Horo was barely able to register even what it was before he saw Hao plunging it with a raging sob into Ren's stomach.

"Gods, no!" he heard himself cry out. Forgetting now all about Hao, not even caring, Horo rushed over to Ren. He fell down beside him, calling out his name. "Ren… REN!"

Hao stopped. He stared down at the scene unfolding in front of him with a blank expression. He looked down at his own hands for a moment, considering. Had he… killed him? He saw Horo, desperately shaking the shoulders of the one he loved. _Retrieve the knife… take it in his back… _the thought of driving both lovers to the grave with the same weapon made him blood course with joy…

_No._ He stopped himself, an evil smirk spreading back across his empty face. _This is much crueller_, he decided. A dull laugh echoed from him, building and building, until it became a chilling, evil chuckle.

"If I can't have him… no one will," he smirked, turning his back on the despairing Horo.

Hearing his words, Horo looked up at him, eyes full of tears. "You… sick bastard! Don't you even care what you've done to him?"

"Enjoy your life without him, Horohoro…"

The words echoed eerily around him, followed by that same, sinister laughter, making him feel hollow inside.

He looked at Ren's still face, colour drained from his cheeks. _No, he's still here… _he told himself. _Ren doesn't go down that easily._

He put his arms around him, pulling him on to his knees. Ren's skin felt ice-cold against his own.

"Yoh! Anna! Ryu!" he tried calling out to the Onsen. His voice sounded quiet and far away even from himself. "Chocolove! Manta! …someone…"

The tears started to flow suddenly, to roll down his face and land on his hands, stained with Ren's blood.

But the tears didn't clean them – nothing would. With these same hands, he continued to hopelessly shake Ren's shoulders, desperately praying that he would open his eyes.

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Author's Note:**_ So, there's the first chapter! I hope you enjoyed it, and I shall put the next one up as soon as I can. Please let me know what you thought!  
Peace out for now ;)  



	2. Inerasable Memories

**_Author's Note: _**Hey again, everyone! Thanks for all your support so far, and here's the next chapter. Just a couple of pointers: I know I used a lot of flashbacks in this chapter - but that is done intentionally; I wanted to recreate the feeling of delusion that Horo isexperiencing at this point. Also, the lyrics I used in this chapter are from Lacuna Coil's 'The Secret'. If you haven't heard Lacuna Coil, you should go listen to them right now XD  
Anyway, hope you enjoy!

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**SHATTERED  
Chapter 2 - Inerasable Memories**

The room was dark, and silent.

Since he had returned home, the others had not come to see him. He had entered the Onsen and gone straight upstairs, leaving Faust to tell the others of the news. Downstairs, he could hear muffled sobs and gentle comforting words being passed between the others, though he could not make out what they were saying. They had all been hurt too – all of them affected, all of them mourned.

Horo wondered why he felt like he couldn't cry anymore. He wondered if it was possible to run out of tears. But he knew one thing – his sorrow had not dried out. He felt as much pain and agony as when the moment occurred, as though someone was tearing a hole right through his soul.

The darkened room helped to remember, though he didn't want to. The loss came back, rushing over and over him in continuous waves.

_Please don't let me remember…_

_**- Flashback-**_

It was nearly midnight, and in a turn of weather as unexpected as the day's events, it had begun to rain. It was mild, a warm shower, the likes of which always occurred as summer turned to fall.

It bounced off the windows of the car, making tinny noises as it hit the roof.

Faust was returning him back to the Onsen from the clinic where he had been for the past few hours.

Horo's forehead was pressed against the cold glass of the passenger seat window, as he watched the world zip by outside through clouds of rain. Ever since leaving the clinic, he had said nothing. Faust had tried several times to make conversation, but each time, Horo just ignored it, letting it wash right over his head.

"A sure sign fall is coming," Faust had said, commenting on the weather.

Horo said nothing. His eyes were fixed on the pitch-black sky. The rain fell down like daggers from what seemed like nowhere. Though the moon was visible – a half-moon on this night – the stars were nowhere to be seen. As they drove through street after street, Horo had kept watching. Not even one star was visible, from anywhere. It made his heart sink even lower. Ren had always loved the stars. He had always said how they guided him, as they guided all humans. He would spend hour upon hour gazing out of his window at them, or sitting on the roof of the Onsen with Horo, watching them together. It almost seemed fitting that none were to be seen tonight, as though they too had faded from this world, along with Ren.

They had pulled up at a red light, next to another car that had its music blaring.

Faust shook his head almost disapprovingly, trying again. "Don't they realise it's a little late for that?"

But Horo's attention was turned elsewhere, listening to the sound of that song that echoed from the car and out into the night. He knew it; it had been one of the few songs that Ren actually liked. He had never been much of a music-lover, but Horo had heard him humming it to himself before – only when they were alone, of course. He could make out the lyrics clearly now.

_The secret belongs to a part of me,_

_Increase my anger and my pain,_

_Just close my eyes and live your life,_

_Your tears are so sweet for me…_

They ran through his head painfully as he thought of Ren once again. He wished the lights would change so that they could drive on again, away from this memory.

_Stay with me,_

_I'll take you into another world…_

Slowly, it died away as he felt the car pull away from the lights, the car that was playing the music speeding off in the opposite direction. He blinked at the blinding streetlamps, finding his eyes full of agonising tears.

It was a fair way into the journey did Faust actually seem to give up all hope of conversation, and resorted again to driving silently.

Horo found this somewhat easier.

That was, until Faust brought up one topic he wished he would never have to address again.

"Horohoro… I just need to say, I am terribly sorry for all that has happened tonight. I understand that you must be devastated by your loss. Eliza and I feel no better about it either. No matter how hard we tried, we couldn't save him. By the time he arrived at the clinic his brain had already haemorrhaged and he was suffering from severe internal bleeding-"

"That's enough!" Horo found himself yelling, although he hadn't meant to be so loud. He had noted the soft and caring tones in Faust's voice – the doctor was trying to make him feel better, not worse. He only had Horo's best interests in mind, though it seemed he was going to wrong way about comforting the blue-haired Shaman. But he wasn't to know; he just acted upon his morals.

As a result, Faust said nothing more.

When the car pulled up outside the Onsen, Horo had gotten out of the car and rushed inside the building before Faust could even stop the engine.

He didn't want to face the others – not yet.

_**- Flashback end – **_

Clutching clumps of his azure hair in his hands, he struggled against the memories… Hao… the knife… the cry of his name… waiting for hours… Faust… the drive home…

Before he knew it, the tears began to flow again. They rolled down his face hopelessly, and he did not try to stop them. Holding his knees to his chest, his sobs echoed around the empty room – _Ren's room._

Just like the tears that flowed, the memories rushed by him. He was powerless to stop them, just as he was his raging emotions.

_**- Flashback-**_

"You aren't even concentrating, are you?"

Horo was awoken from a slight daze by Ren's angered tones. He blinked a few times, looking at the Chinese Shaman.

"Uh… yeah, yeah… I am."

Ren gave an impatient sigh. He had been trying to help Horo with Math homework that they had been given the previous day; a task that was proving quite difficult with Horo's lack of interest. "Fine, then answer the next question…"

Horo stared blankly at his paper. "Uhh…"

"It's a simple equation, Horo. It isn't difficult," Ren shook his head.

"Yeah, but… I err… I dunno how to do it," Horo blushed.

Ren slammed the pen in his hand down on to the table. "Do you _ever _listen in class?"

"Well, it depends what you mean by listen…" Horo said, weaving around the subject.

"No, I don't mean stare out of the window with that idiotic look on your face," Ren said, giving him a stern look.

Horo looked accused. "There are better things than class work, you know."

"Yes, I understand that. But watching squirrels climb trees outside _isn't _one of those things."

Horo set his jaw, desperate to prove his point. Then he smiled a mischievous grin. "I can also think of things that are better than homework."

Ren couldn't suppress a smile and pushed him playfully.

Horo nudged him back, and soon the two were play-fighting, homework left forgotten on the table.

_**- Flashback end –**_

That haunting laughter echoed around his mind, torturing him further still. The memories fuzzed in and out of his head like a television submitting a broken signal, making him grip at his forehead tighter, as though trying to force them away.

"But… why…?" he cried, his heart weeping with questions.

Why did Ren have to be taken from him like this?

Why couldn't he take this pain?

Why these memories all of a sudden…?

_**- Flashback-**_

He was watching Ren's face, waiting for a reaction – some kind of recognition from those features he knew so well. The rapid pace of his heart seemed somehow to slow the moment, until…

"What…?" came the unbelieving answer of the Chinese.

Horo dropped his gaze to the floor. Not the response he had been expecting. Then again, what _had _he been expecting? He knew Ren wasn't just going to fall to his knees and pledge his devotion too, just because Horo had told him of his true feelings…

"I'm sorry…" Horo apologised, tears beginning to sting.

Feeling a hand touch his, he looked up slowly, to see Ren's thoughtful face through a blur of tears.

"Horokeu… you don't… need to apologise," Ren said, struggling around his words. "I feel the same."

The weight in Horo's stomach seemed to lift, just at those four simple words. His happiness consuming him, he reached forward to pull Ren close, Ren's rapid heart beats so close that they echoed his own.

_**-Flashback end –**_

"Damn it, Ren! Why!" he called out to nothing, choking on his sobs.

"Look at you. You look so pathetic down there."

Horo continued to cry into his knees, ignoring the sound of the familiar voice. He didn't care how pathetic he looked, how lost and sorrowful. He had lost every sense of pride and dignity. None of that mattered anymore.

"Get up, baka Ainu!"

Like an arrow through his heart, the words hit home. Horo lifted his head sharply, tears flying from his face at the sudden movement. They were… Ren's words?

Slowly, he cast his eyes around the complete blackness of Ren's room. Nothing. Emptiness. He was about to conclude that his imagination was now making him hear things as well as remember times from long ago, when suddenly, he saw it – saw _him…_

Like a dim light bulb letting out a musty glow into the perpetual darkness, the patch of black that surrounded him shimmering eerily.

And there, right in front of him, floating just a little way above him, was Ren. Though his colour seemed drained, like a sun-bleached photograph, and his presence was somewhat faded, but nevertheless – he was there, in front of Horo's own two eyes…

"Ren…?" Horo breathed, his tears forgotten.

"Of course it's me, baka," Ren's words were harsh, almost spat from his mouth.

Horo recoiled a little at this hostility – the likes of which he hadn't expected. He looked up at him, shaking his head. "But you're… Faust told me you…"

"That I'm dead," Ren finished, sharply. "Are you forgetting you're a _Shaman_?"

It took Horo a moment to register Ren's words. "A… a spirit?"

Ren raised an eyebrow, looking down on Horo as though he were nothing, inferior. "It took you _this_ long?"

The severity of Ren's words didn't soften the blow any. With a jolt, his delusion came to. Suddenly, Ren's departure seemed so… so _final_… seeing him this way, almost transparent, air around him shimmering, confirmed what Horo was trying so hard not to believe; he had gone.

Suddenly, Horo's head span, sending him dizzy. He clutched his forehead, reeling. Now he _knew _something wasn't right.

"I'm dreaming…" he told himself. This was far too surreal to be true.

"Oh, you think you're dreaming me up now?" Ren challenged, tone venomous.

"I'm… if I go to sleep… when I wake up, you won't be here anymore. It's my imagination, I know it," Horo said, sounding more as though he were trying to convince _himself_ of this fact.

"Hah… I challenge that notion," Ren laughed spitefully. "Go right ahead and sleep – it won't do you any good."

Weakly, he pulled himself up from the floor, trying to shut out the voice of Ren.

"Look at you," Ren mocked, as Horo pulled himself through the darkness towards the bed in the corner of the room. "You should see yourself!"

_Blank it out, _Horo thought. _It's not real._

Carefully, finding the bed with his hands, he climbed into it. His head fell dully on the pillow, his eyes closing.

"Hmph… have it your way. Either way, you'll lose, Horokeu," Ren's smirk was hidden by Horo's eyelids, but he could still hear the malice in the imaginary voice.

"I can't lose…" Horo murmured, his mind dulled with exhaustion. "I already lost everything today…"

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**_Author's Note: _**Update coming soon! Any reviews would be appreciated. 


	3. Purify

**_Author's Note: _**Here's the next chapter :)  
Well... this was probably my least favourite chapter to write, but I thought it turned out pretty dramatic. But, as a warning to everyone, if you thought the other chapters were angsty so far, this one can get alot worse. This chapter can be quite dark, so you have been warned! Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

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- **CHAPTER 3 –  
**Purify 

"_Horo!"_

"_Shit, Ren!"_

_The reflection of red on a blade…_

_That sound…_

"_Gods, no!"_

"_If I can't have him, no one will…"_

"_Ren… Ren!"_

He awoke suddenly. A cold sweat covered his body – even though the room seemed eerily chilly.

Where was he?

Just by taking a breath, he knew. _This was Ren's room_ – he could tell by the scent left upon the pillow. He breathed it in, trying to calm himself, pulling the blankets tighter as he shuddered against the cold. He tried to remember what had awoken him so suddenly…

He turned over, clutching the blankets close to him still.

He saw Ren's face, eyes glimmering with malicious flames.

He jumped up, away from the sight. He sat up on the bed, breathing heavily. That look in Ren's eyes, that face so close to his own…

It came back to him. He should have known it would. The dream… Hao, the knife, the cry… _Ren_…

His eyes flicked back to the figure – no, that _spirit_ – that rested to the side of Ren's bed. He watched it move – like the wind – to hover above the bed, as though it were sitting. The malice in its golden eyes had seemed to reside, but had not taken with it that cold empty stare.

"You… you are real, aren't you?" Horo breathed, still panting with shock.

"We've been through this already," Ren answered. "Of course I am real."

Horo blinked back in return, his mind still foggy and clouded with grief. "I can't believe… this just isn't happening…" he ran a trembling hand through his hair, shaking his head.

"It _is _happening, so just get over it already," the spirit snapped.

The tears came again, fresh this time, though his eyes already felt strained from the tears he had shed the previous night. This meant that this _spirit _of Ren was truly there – totally real. He existed. But the words that this ghost spoke – so cruel and full of poison... he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, but he could not even find the words to question it. Though everything seemed wrong, nothing had seemed right in his head since yesterday. He could do nothing more than cry to himself, lost inside a swirling void that had opened inside his soul.

A freezing touch suddenly hit him, like fresh ice put upon his skin. He looked up to see Ren's face close to his own, almost touching. The feeling he had realised on his arm was actually a ghostly hand, fingers almost gripping his wrist. Though there was no contact, the skin where Ren's fingers should have been was pressed down – small dips where the pressure would have been applied. Horo noticed this with wide eyes, and looked with a terrified expression back to the face of the spirit.

Ren smiled at him, and Horo buckled. That smile… so gentle, so loving… it somehow washed all of Horo's doubts away. This spirit _was_ Ren, no matter how cruel the words he spoke were. It proved that the ghost still possessed Ren's loving side – the Ren that belonged with Horo.

Staring into those translucent eyes, it wasn't long before his imagination let them take form. Slowly, they became the liquid gold he knew so well. They were _there. _The smile he saw along Ren's lips seemed to bring his whole face to _life_; it stripped away all of the painful events of the previous day, leaving him now, only in this moment… _with Ren_.

His eyes closed, and slowly, he leaned forward, lips in line with those of Ren's, to place a kiss upon them.

A sharp rush of cold air went past him, and he opened his eyes in alarm to find Ren was no longer there. He had shot backwards, into mid-air, laughing, laughing spitefully and mockingly.

Horo looked down, feeling degraded. The spirit was toying with him…

"Haven't you realised?" came Ren's cruel question through his laughter. "Hasn't being a Shaman taught you anything? _You can't touch a spirit!"_

Horo dropped his gaze, heart shattering. Clutching his arms around himself, he shuddered, the frost of Ren's touch still lingering. "I just… I only wanted to hold you, like I used to. I only want to hold your hand… damn it, I miss it, Ren!" he bit his lip, eyes closed tight, forcing back his tears. "I don't understand why things have to happen this way. It's all because of that bastard Hao! It's all his fault… it was all him!"

A sneer crossed Ren's face. "Are you sure it was Hao's fault?"

"What do you mean, Ren? He… he… that knife…" Horo choked, painful memories flooding back.

"But what did _you _do, Horo?" Ren's eyes flashed a sinister glare. "How did _you _try to help me?"

Ren's words shot like an arrow through his heart. "What…?"

"How did you stop Hao? How did you help me?" Ren continued. "You just watched me _die."_

"I… I didn't! I tried to push him away, I was trying to stop him! I was trying… I was…" his words trailed off into nothing, empty sobs cutting through his voice.

"You know as well as I do that you did _nothing_. It's as much your fault as it was Hao's, you know that," Ren continued, smirking.

"No… no!"

"Can't you see what you've done?" Ren's words became more spiteful, much louder. It was as though he was seeking pleasure in Horo's pain. "You practically _helped_ to kill me! My blood was even in your hands!"

"Stop it! Please, just stop…" Horo begged, a feeling of numbness overcoming him.

"What's the matter, Horokeu? Can't take responsibility for your own actions? You're _scum_, a worthless murderer!"

"But I didn't… I didn't…"

"Do you know what you should do now? There's only one way to repent for your crime…" the spirit's evil stare turned harsher – he had Horo right where he wanted him. "Come and join me."

Horo looked up with shock, eyes spilling tears. "You mean…?"

Ren nodded sincerely, though the malice in his eyes betrayed him. "Yes, the ultimate sacrifice. Would you do it, to be forgiven?"

He said nothing, just stared blankly ahead of himself.

"It could be easy – nearly painless," Ren was almost trying to convince him. "And just think of the rewards you could gain – forgiveness, freedom from that prison of flesh. If you were like _me_, there would be no boundaries between us… we could be together again…"

The look in Ren's eyes was one of persuasion, and of certainty. Horo told himself that the spirit was right. Freedom from this pain he felt, this grief, this agony… just a simple thing such as that and he could be with Ren once again…

"I'll do it," Horo said, simply.

Ren smirked, satisfied. "Good… you made the right decision."

Horo suddenly realised that his hands were shaking violently. In fact, his whole body trembled. "But… how can…?"

"You lack any kind of logic, don't you?" the spirit said, eyes narrowed. "Can't you see what's over there?"

Horo followed Ren's point with a nervous glance. Laid out on a table, as if ready and waiting for Horo to use, was Ren's sword – his family treasure, passed down through generations; Horai-ken. As the head of the Tao family, Ren was now keeper of this treasure. The though of going through with this with his lover's weapon made him shy away a little.

Ren saw Horo's hesitation and sneered. "Don't tell me you're backing out already? You obviously don't care for me as much as you say you do."

Horo immediately stood up. The one thing that no one could challenge was his feelings for Ren. He walked slowly to the table, each step deliberate and thoughtful. But the closer he got to the weapon, the more his doubts faded. He focused only on the release he would gain, his reunion with the one he loved…

Before he knew it, he was reaching out a shaking hand to take the handle of the sword. It felt cold in his grasp – just like the chill Ren radiated now as a spirit.

"Must you _dawdle _so much?"

Hearing the harsh words of Ren, he seized it. He looked along the silver blade, realising for the first time how sharp the sword really was. Would something like this really make it so painless?

"What do I do?" he turned to Ren, sword in hand.

"You need guidance even for _this_?" Ren said, frowning with annoyance. "Do what you will."

Horo looked anxiously down at the weapon. Closing his eyes and subconsciously holding his breath, he put a hand around the blade of the sword, as if to test it out. He pulled his fingers tighter around it, feeling the edge slice his skin. The searing pain made him open his eyes and jerk his head away quickly. He looked down at his palm, two open cuts now there – not very deep, but enough to draw blood. He watched the red liquid rise and run along the cuts he had created, to drip down his hand, bringing with it a throbbing course of pain.

"Let me guess… too painful for you?" Ren was watching him carefully. "Believe me, that pain is _nothing _compared to what I endured, all because of you."

He wondered if it would all be like this – would dying be this way too? Ren's words made him decide he didn't care. Once it was done, it was done, and he wouldn't have to feel _anything_ again. The only problem was stepping over this hurdle now…

He put the sword to his wrist, putting as much pressure on it as he could dare. He paused, hesitating. Turning his head away and closing his eyes tightly, he pulled it across his skin.

The pain made him buckle, falling to his knees and dropping the sword for it to land on the ground with a hollow clang. Clutching at his arm, he cursed the pain. Opening his eyes he saw the blood take form through blurred vision.

"At least you managed to do something," Ren said, his ghostly form now directly in front of him. "Now… _more_… you haven't suffered enough yet."

His vision fuzzed in and out of focus, making it hard for him to pick up the sword again. When he found it, reaching around the floor with his hand, he didn't think twice this time. The pain had begun now, throbbing endlessly throughout his body. All he knew was that he wanted it to end. Taking it to his arm once more, he raised another gash with unneeded precision, glad that his eyes no longer allowed him to see what was going on. He just saw red, covering his hands, dripping to the floor.

_Blood on his hands…_

The painful memories brought along with them more tears. Sobbing helplessly, he drove the sword once more across his arm, wanting rid of all this hurt, all these memories, all this guilt…

Though he couldn't see who spoke the words, he heard harsh whispers in his ear echoing around his head as he made cut after agonising cut. "_Suffer… suffer…"_

Feeling the warm blood now flowing over his body, he heard the words break into cruel laughter, mocking him, pushing him…

With a sway, he fell to the ground, passed out cold.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_ Sorry all you Horo fans... I did feel really evil for this chapter, but it almost felt right, in some kind of weird way. Anyway, I would really appreciate any reviews. I'll make sure to update soon :) 


	4. Guilt

**_Author's Note: _**Sorry for a delayed update! I've been busy with coursework and things from school (yet again) so I haven't really had the time. I'll make sure to update more regularly if I can. Anyway, thanks again for all your support, and I hope you enjoy this next chapter! Oh, and for anyone who's waiting for thelast chapter of my other RenxHoro story'Lose You Forever', I'm sorry there's been a little wait for it, but it needs rewriting totally. I'm hoping for it to be up very soon though! Thanks for your patience :)  
For this chapter, and maybe in future ones, you may see numbers in brackets next to words - like this:_ (1)._ This is an appendix for a few words that appear in Japanese that might cause some confusion. I'm sorry if I'm insulting anyone's intelligence by doing this ;)

**

* * *

- CHAPTER 4 -  
Guilt **

"Is he okay, Faust?"

"He'll be fine, Pirika. You needn't worry."

"Will he wake up soon?"

"It could be anytime now. Just keep a close eye on him."

Blurred voices broke the edge of his conscience. He found his eyelids heavy, and struggled to open them. He could see the outlines of worried faces hanging over him, their colours blotted like a badly painted picture. As his body regained its feeling, little by little, the room came into focus along with it. He saw his friends – Pirika, Faust, Yoh, Anna, Ryu and Chocolove, watching over him, waiting as he opened his eyes.

"Onii-chan! You're awake!" Pirika said, eyes wide with surprise.

Horo tried to sit up, trying to pull his body out of its numbness.

"Horohoro, please don't strain yourself too hard," Faust advised. "You should try to rest for now."

Ignoring the suggestion, he pushed himself up, gripping his head. "What happened?" he questioned. He felt as though he'd been asleep for days.

"That's… what we wanted to know." Pirika said, sadly, dropping her gaze.

Horo heard her words were full of tears. His brotherly instincts took over him, and he reached out to pull his sister close. She began to cry properly, sobbing into his shoulder. It was then that he caught sight of the bandages secured around his left arm.

It was all it took for him to remember.

The sword…

"Oh, Gods… what did I do?" he pulled back, away from Pirika, staring at the bloodstained bandages in disbelief.

"We found you in Ren's room…" Yoh explained, as gently as he could. "You had his sword, and there was blood…"

"Why?" Pirika cried to him, clutching on to his hand. "Why, Onii-chan? You could have _died!_ I nearly lost you…"

"Pirika…" he murmured, placing his bandaged arm around her. Looking over her shoulder, he glanced instinctively around the room for the spirit of his love. He wasn't there.

He closed his eyes on his friends' anxious faces, shame overcoming him. "I'm sorry…"

"Horo, we understand how you feel about Ren's death, but you've gotta realise that is not the way to do things." Anna said, stating her point truthfully, but harshly, as she always did.

Horo pulled his crying sister closer. "Anna, you don't understand; it was different to how you think."

Anna stood up, giving him a disapproving look. "It doesn't matter _how _it happened. What matters is the fact that it _did_, and your selfish actions have put your sister through hell and back."

He took the criticism. He knew Anna was very rarely sympathetic to any situation, but this time around, she was being more honest than harsh. He had considered telling the others about the spirit he had seen, how _Ren _had driven him to do what he had. But he realised – it was futile. Anything he told them now would probably be considered a delusion of his grief. He didn't expect to be taken seriously after what he had done, and because his story seemed so surreal, it made it even less believable. Perhaps the best course of action he could take would be to take his blame and shoulder the responsibility for his actions.

"Now, enough of this small talk – you all have chores to do. Horo needs his rest." Anna commanded.

With a sigh at the mention of chores, Yoh, Ryu and Chocolove rose to their feet obediently. Yoh gave Horo a brief, comforting smile before he left. "Get better soon, okay, buddy?"

"Yes, and if there is anything you need, just call." Ryu gave a respectful bow.

"Yeah, let us handle the chores." Chocolove said, almost a complaint.

Anna gave them a dark look and began to usher them out of the room.

Faust rose to his feet, brushing off his long white coat as he did so. "Well, I must be returning to the clinic. Horohoro, you have my best wishes. Please don't hesitate to call if you need anything."

"Thanks a lot, Faust." Horo replied, nodding to the doctor as he left the room.

Only Pirika was left – her brother's arms still around her, still sobbing into his shoulder.

"Pirika…" he began.

"Why would you do such a thing, Onii-chan?" she asked once again. "You're not like that, I know you're not! You wouldn't… want to leave me, would you?"

"Of course not, Pirika. I'm sorry, I just… I lost control of my feelings. I didn't know how to handle them." Horo lied, trying to reassure her.

She didn't answer. The room stayed quiet for a few moments, broken only by the sound of Pirika sniffing back her tears.

"Was all this… to do with Ren?"

Horo lifted his head sharply at her sudden question. "What are you saying?"

"You did this… because of him, didn't you?" Pirika said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand as he brother pulled away, an expression of mixed feelings on his face.

He didn't know how to answer – her question could have meant so many things… but to Horo, he knew how it sounded.

"Don't… don't blame Ren!" he found himself yelling.

Pirika recoiled, shying away as though he was going to strike her.

"It wasn't his fault! It was mine!" It sounded now more like Horo was arguing with himself rather than with his sister. "I deserved it!"

Pirika just watched him yelling to himself, through wide and tearful eyes.

"It's not his fault…" Horo continued, shaking his head.

"Onii-chan, what's wrong with you? Please get a hold of yourself!" Pirika sobbed, reaching out a hand to touch his shoulder.

Horo knocked her arm away harshly, as though afraid of her touch. "Just leave me, Pirika!"

She jumped to her feet, tears streaming from her eyes. She almost seemed scared of her brother's hysteric state. "I don't know what's happening to you, but I don't like it!"

With that, she ran out of the room, sobbing, leaving the door to slam shut behind her.

Horo stared down at his clenched fists, breathing heavily. "It wasn't Ren's fault…"

"You're so pathetic…"

Looking up, Horo saw the distorted air in front of him – the shimmering aura that surrounded the ghostly figure of Ren.

"Now look what you have reduced yourself to, baka," Ren sneered. "Upsetting your own imoto_(1)_…"

"Ren…" Horo stared at the spirit, as though not believing he was seeing him again.

"And on top of that, you've failed to gain yourself forgiveness," Ren continued, pointing a translucent finger at Horo's bandages. "You couldn't even do something as simple as that correctly. You have no hope!"

He buried his head in his hands, trying to shut out the hollow voice of the spirit.

"Not even able to go through with it…" Ren smirked, seeing he was going to the right way about getting to Horo. "So much for your _love_… I must mean _nothing_ to you!"

"Dammit, Ren! You know that's not true!"

"Of course, you had no problems leaving _me _for dead, but when it comes to killing _yourself_…"

"You saw what I did!" Horo yelled at the spirit, his own eyes welling at the injustice of Ren's words. "You know I tried… I went that far, for you! Now look… at what it's done to me…"

"Oh yes, that's right," Ren sneered, golden eyes gleaming with danger. "You're worried about the others now, aren't you? What will they think of you now, Horo?"

Horo bowed his head, mind fogging with weariness. He somewhat wished he hadn't had to wake up, if this was what he had to face.

"Couldn't you see the disappointment in Yoh's eyes?" Ren continued. "Your own 'best friend', _ashamed _of you. You'll be lucky if he still wants to _be _your friend after this."

He closed his eyes. _Ignore it, just blank it out…_

"And Anna seems furious," Ren mocked. "She'll never forgive you for this. You know that as well as I do."

He pulled the blankets of his bed over his crossed legs, tugging them tighter around himself. The chill of a spirit was hard to shut out.

"And just imagine… _Faust,_ after all he has done for you already. I can only wonder if he feels guilty now, like this was all his fault because I lost my life in his clinic. Think about how _he_ feels…"

Slowly, Horo lowered his head on to the pillow, letting his body fall heavy to the bed.

"Did you see the looks on the faces of Ryu and Chocolove? They were shocked. Hah… I can safely say they'll never look at you the same way again. They won't want to be around you."

He turned over, turning his back on the spirit. _It's all fine – it's okay._

"How about your _imoto_? The image of her crying face, scared by what is happening in the mind of her own _onii-chan(2)_… those scars will be harder to heal than even your own."

He closed his eyes, his attempts to shut out Ren's words failing miserably. The tears slid over his sunken face, as he cried himself into a troubled sleep.

* * *

_(1) - _imoto - Japanese for 'younger sister', used only when referring to someone else's sister.  
_(2)_ - Just before someone corrects me on my Japanese - I know Ren should use the word 'ototo' here, as he is talking about someone else's brother and not his own, but Ren is tormenting Horo by using the name his sister uses for him - after all, she is always crying 'Onii-chan!". It just seemed more cruel that way ;) 


	5. Losing My Grip

**_Author's Note: _**Hey, everyone! Sorry for (another) wait for the update, but I needed to find the time to type up two chapters this time, so it's taken me a while longer than expected. So, as you've probably noticed, I have added two chapters this time around - that's because they both tell the same event, just from different points of view. As a result, I guessed that they might both be needed to read at kind of the same time, instead of having to wait for me to update again XD  
This one's from Anna's point of view (well, still written in third person, but describing more of her thoughts than anyone else's). Seems weird I suppose, as this is supposed to be a RenxHoro fic, but there is a reason! So, I hope you enjoy :)

* * *

**-CHAPTER 5-  
Losing My Grip**

Anna had left no time for grief for the residents of the Funbari Onsen. Only a day after Horo's unpredicted actions, and she once again had them training on their usual regimes. Though Anna's orders seemed somewhat cruel considering that a close friend had been murdered only two days earlier, her real ethos was much kinder. Anna was wise to the mourning of a human heart, and although she didn't show it, she was addressing it. As she watched over her charges with knowing black eyes, she considered her plan. She knew the easiest way to ease the pain of losing someone was not to break daily routine. She noted how their smiles - even through the training - were visible; laughing and mocking one another, just as they normally would. She didn't feel guilty – Ren would have wanted this, wanted them to continue as they once were; he wouldn't want them moping around, mourning him. The others saw that too – Anna knew it just by watching them train. They seemed to be training even harder than usual, she noted – as though they were fighting on Ren's behalf too.

The only person she had not ordered down into the yard was Horo. Instinctively glancing up to the window of the room in which the Ainu had been resting, she knew that he was the only one who needed much more careful treatment. Unfortunately, Anna knew within herself that she did not have the knowledge to heal a heart as shattered as his.

She turned back to look at Yoh – she had him doing a half hour course of the electric chair stance in the middle of the yard, and it looked like it was taking its toll on him.

"Anna…" he whined, body quivering from keeping up the stance for so long. "Am I done yet?"

She glanced down at her stopwatch. "Fifteen minutes. You're only half done."

She heard an exasperated groan from him as she glanced over to Ryu and Chocolove. Admittedly, they had been let off the easiest… for now. They were practise fighting – Chocolove dodging Ryu's Oversoul attacks by bouncing off the walls of the Onsen and off the ground. His speed was somewhat admirable.

"Hah! I told you you couldn't catch me!" he taunted, as an aggravated Ryu hurled another attack at him with his bonketsu. Chocolove dodged it expertly.

"Just you wait!" Ryu threatened. "You can't keep running forever!"

"Wanna bet on that?" Chocolove grinned.

"Getting annoyed and throwing careless attacks like that isn't going to help you, Ryu," Anna instructed. "Stay focused!"

Ryu nodded to show he had acknowledged what she had said. Then, he hurled another purple blow at his opponent.

The sound of someone else leaving the door of the Onsen and coming out into the yard to join them made Anna turn away from Ryu and Chocolove.

Emerging from inside the building was a certain blue-haired Ainu shaman. The Itako watched him as he stepped outside, blinking in the sunlight.

"Horo," Anna addressed him, walking over to her friend. She stood near him. "What are you doing out here?"

Surprisingly, he turned and gave her a brief smile – and though it was indeed a smile, she could tell it was taking him a lot of effort to uphold it. "I just wanted to be outside," he answered, "with all of you guys."

Even Anna was caught off-guard. She really hadn't expected him to want other's company so soon. "Then, that's fine." she said, awkwardly – once again, she had no idea how to handle the situation. Just as she was thinking of something else to ask the Ainu, he had walked further into the yard. Sitting on the emerald grass and closing his eyes, he lifted his face to the sky. His expression seemed blank – somewhat empty – yet thoughtful.

No one seemed to have noticed him yet, all of them caught up in their training.

She turned her attention away from him, glancing back to her stopwatch, and than back to Yoh. "Only twelve minutes left," she called over to him.

Yoh tilted a quivering arm to give Anna a thumbs-up sign, his face strained with agony.

"Get down from there and fight like a man!"

"Why? It's quite _roofy_ up here!"

Anna looked over to Ryu and Chocolove. Ryu was now waving his bonketsu around, infuriated at a grinning Chocolove who was perched on the edge of the Onsen's roof.

"If you keep running away like this, you'll never win!" Ryu declared.

Chocolove laughed. "I will – if I keep running long enough for you to tire yourself out and for your Furyoku to deplete!"

"What kind of fighting strategy is that!"

"It's my new one, and I think it's going well!" Chocolove smiled madly.

Ryu knitted his eyebrows, letting out an angered sound as he raised his wooden sword and hurled a purple blast of Furyoku in his opponent's direction.

Chocolove danced to the side, away from the attack. "Missed again!" he taunted.

"You are really testing my patience…" Ryu growled, slicing the air with his sword in agitation.

"Chocolove, I don't approve of this new 'strategy' of yours." Anna said, throwing him a harsh stare.

"But it's working real well! Look!" Chocolove protested, firing up his Oversoul and jumping down from the roof. His Furyoku cushioned his fall, as he pounced away – with the speed of a jaguar – in Horo's direction. He bounced off the fence that surrounded the yard, cutting the air with a flash of Furyoku.

Ryu was quick to follow, sending another blast after him that missed by far.

Chocolove was laughing as he took another leap backwards, cutting a zigzag around the yard.

"Chocolove! Stop right now!" Anna yelled, message clear.

Chocolove ignored it as Ryu shot furious blow after furious blow towards him. He jumped from the fence to the Onsen wall.

"Chocolove!" Anna commanded.

Back once more.

"Are you listening!"

Back towards the fence… and straight into Horo.

The two shaman tumbled over one another, as Anna, Ryu and Yoh watched with shock. When they came to a stop, the expressions of the others grew even more surprised.

Horo was on his feet, grabbing Chocolove by the neck of his shirt. Chocolove's feet were off the ground, trailing in mid-air.

"What do you think you're doing!" Horo demanded, in a voice so unlike his own.

"It – it was an accident! H-Horo, I'm sorry!" Chocolove stuttered, looking into the eyes of Horo – pupils dilated with fury, breathing hot breath on to his face.

"Horo!" Anna called out, another command in her voice.

"Yes, you _will_ be sorry…" Horo growled in that same strange voice. In a quick motion, he pulled out his Ikupasui, holding in threateningly near Chocolove's stomach.

Anna gasped, glancing to Yoh.

Yoh was already stumbling out of his electric chair position and dashing toward his friend.

In a second, he had taken Horo's arms tightly, trying to pull him from Chocolove. "Horo, come on!"

Horo's eyes flashed sinister black as Ryu dashed forward, discarding his bonketsu to the ground. Using strength equal to Yoh's, Ryu tried to drag Chocolove away from Horo's grasp.

Arms trapped, Horo struggled as Yoh pulled him away. "Please, stop!" Yoh tried to calm him, having to work hard to keep Horo in place, weakened by his training.

Anna stood at a distance, eyes fixed on the Ikupasui. _Sharp enough to make a weapon should the wielder intend…_ If Horo tried to hurt Yoh in any way, she would not hesitate to step in.

Chocolove was on his knees now, unable to speak with fear. A cold sweat had broken over his skin.

Yoh held strong as Horo struggled and fought against his grasp. A few seconds past, and the Ainu started to slow, breathing steadying and eyes returning to their usual soft gaze. He fell to his knees with a heavy thud, Yoh letting go reluctantly.

No one spoke for a full thirty seconds, all shocked eyes fixed upon Horo. Ryu was the first to break the silence. "Did I… miss something here?"

Yoh put a hand on Horo's quivering shoulder, speaking to him in a comforting voice. "Is everything okay, buddy?"

In an instant, Horo was on his feet, knocking Yoh's hand away. Chocolove jumped backwards nervously as the Ainu ran for the Onsen. He disappeared inside, the door slamming shut behind him.

Anna watched him go, then turned to look at the others. "Something's definitely up with him."


	6. Conflict

**_Author's Note:_** Here's the next one! Remember: the first part of the story is a _continuation_ of the last chapter, up until the flashback, which then recalls the_ same events_ from the previous chapter - this time, from Horo's point of view!  
This chapter is supposed to be kind of fast-paced, and as a result, doesn't make sense in places (or is easy to lose track of), but this is again, deliberate, to recreate the confusion and differing emotions felt during this scene.

Enjoy ;)

* * *

**- CHAPTER 6 -  
Conflict **

"Why did you do that?"

"Do _what_? Try to shut up that half-wit for good? Trust me, if you hadn't _resisted_ like that, I could have done everyone a favour."

"You could have hurt him!"

"Oh, I could have done more than that…"

"Just stop it!"

Horo was on his knees on the floor of his room, head in his hands, shaking uncontrollably. Before him hovered the spirit of Tao Ren.

He was afraid – _terrified_ even. Out there in the yard with the others, he had lost complete control of himself, lashing out as Chocolove like that… he had never known a feeling like it before…

_**-Flashback-**_

He blinked in the sunlight. It had been a few days since he had been outside. He felt the sun caress his skin and the wind stroke his azure hair as if in welcoming. _How he had missed this feeling…_

He saw the others were outside, training – Yoh undergoing more of Anna's strenuous exercises, and Ryu and Chocolove fighting, as usual. He somewhat envied them for being able to return to this kind of routine so quickly. He wondered to himself if he would ever be able to train this way with them again.

"Horo," he heard Anna say, and he turned to find her beside him. Her expression was clearly puzzled. "What are you doing out here?"

Swallowing back the sorrow that threatened to choke him, he looked at her with a small smile. "I just wanted to be outside. With all of you guys." He was telling the truth – at least, part of it. Staying alone in that room, he found himself just waiting for Ren's spirit to reappear, anticipating whatever insults and torment he had to suffer at the ghost's expense. Though he almost felt comforted by seeing Ren now, he knew deep down that something was not right with the apparition. Knowing Ren only appeared to him when he was alone, he decided perhaps it was best to ensure he was surrounded by the others.

"Then, that's fine." He heard the Itako say, almost awkwardly. Without waiting for another word, he had walked out into the centre of the yard. Sitting down on the damp grass, he closed his eyes, shutting off the sounds of the others around him and letting the calm breeze wash over him. It was soothing, relaxing… it helped to quell the storm of thoughts and emotions inside him, wiping his mind clear…

"Get down from there and fight like a man!"

"Why? It's quite _roofy _up here!"

Every now and then, he would hear the voices of the others break through to his thoughts, but it did not disturb him. He focused on the crest and wane of the wind, as though it were waves. Amazing how perfectly synchronised nature was…

"If you keep running away like this, you'll never win!"

"I will – if I keep running long enough for you to tire yourself out and for your Furyoku to deplete!"

His mind was silent. The words drifted through but made no sense.

_How annoying…_

Horo heard a _different _voice now – one that did not sound as though it was coming from outside his head. He thought nothing of it. Whenever he listened hard enough, he could often hear the strange voices of nature speaking to him from nowhere. It was a common happening for him.

"What kind of fighting strategy is that!"

"It's my new one, and I think it's going well!"

_I don't think it's even possible to be more annoying than him…_

Again, the alien voice ran through his head, and again, he ignored it, his thoughts elsewhere.

_You should really do something about him, you know._

"Missed again!"

"You are really testing my patience!"

_Coward… that's all he is: a coward._

Horo's mind stirred, the voice clicking into place. "What…?" he murmured back to it.

_Chocolove! Just look at him! I can't even stand the sight of him…_

"Ren…" Horo addressed the hollow voice. "What's wrong with you? I thought you and Chocolove… well, I know there were always the times where you fought, but you two got along, didn't you?"

_Hah! As if I'd waste my time! He might possibly be the most infuriating individual I have ever had the poor fortune to meet._

"Chocolove, I don't approve of this new 'strategy' of yours."

"But it's working real well! Look!"

_Kisama! He's at it again! Do something about it!_

Horo felt his mind snap fully awake at those words. Ren's tone sounded dangerous. "What do you mean by 'do something'?"

_You know what I mean, baka! Go and silence him!_

"You're not telling me to… _hurt _him are you?" Horo murmured, feeling almost breathless.

_Hmph… insinuate however you like. Go as far as you need to._

"You're not making me do that!" Horo protested, head reeling.

_Well, I can always give you an encouraging shove in the right direction, should you need help._

"Chocolove, stop right now!"

Horo shuddered at the sharpness of Ren's words. "_No…_ no! You're not… you _can't_, Ren! Think about it!"

_Don't challenge me, Horokeu – you know I can, and you know I will._

Horo opened his eyes wide, sharply, suddenly scared by the darkness and seclusion behind his eyelids. Panicked, he looked towards Yoh, hoping somewhat that he could hear Ren too.

_Don't be so dense… you know you're the only one who can hear me._

Horo was shaking. He knew what Ren intended to do:

Possession was a simple task for a spirit.

"Chocolove!"

Yoh couldn't see him, his face uneasy. The brown-haired shaman's eyes were fixed somewhere beyond the Ainu.

"Ren, you _can't_!"

_Stop me,_ the spirit challenged.

He knew he couldn't. He couldn't even _see_ Ren, let alone stop him taking over his body. The words echoed eerily.

"Are you listening!"

_That's enough._

The instant the words shook through him, he felt a force plunge into his side. He fell over himself, hitting the ground hard.

He felt as though he had fallen out of his own body as his control was sharply snatched away.

_Ren! Stop!_ He heard himself cry out – only to find the words as thoughts, unspoken. A moment later, he found himself on his feet, Chocolove's collar grasped in his fist.

"What do you think you're doing!" Horo heard the words come from his own mouth – even if he didn't will them. His voice sounded almost _morphed_, distorted. He knew too well what was happening to him. The fear in his midnight eyes was masked by a steely gaze of fury, as he pleaded desperately, silently, into Chocolove's own eyes.

The dark-skinned shaman didn't notice his plea. "It – it was an accident! H-Horo, I'm sorry!"

Horo could see the dread on Chocolove's face – the sheer terror that consumed him at seeing his normally gentle friend act this way.

"Horo!"

Hearing Anna call out his name, he felt tears touch his eyes. He knew how ruthless Ren could be; he was just praying that he did not try to inflict this kind of harm on Chocolove. However, his hope sank as he heard the next words that came from his own mouth.

"Yes, you _will_ be sorry…"

The Ainu struggled, alarmed. He felt a strong force tugging at his arm, pulling it to the place where he kept his Ikupasui.

_Please, Ren! Please don't hurt him! He's our friend…_

The voice answered back. _This fool is nothing to me!_

The pull grew stronger. It almost hurt to resist, as though Ren was trying to break his arm in two. He was too weak; too exhausted both mentally and physically. He gave up, wishing he could close his eyes, wishing he could turn away and not have to see what his own hands were about to do as the Ikupasui broke the air.

Ren wasn't as kind as to not let him see. He was forced to stare menacingly into his friend's face, Ikupasui wielded like a weapon.

"Horo, come on!" With a slight sense of relief, he felt the arms of Yoh grasp around his own, restraining him.

_Thank Gods…_

He felt his body begin to struggle unwillingly against Yoh's grasp. In turn, he fought against it – trying to force his body still.

Chocolove was pulled from his hold by Ryu, as he heard Yoh's comforting voice. "Horo! Please, stop!"

_Just… stop, Ren… please… _Horo said, weakly, feeling his arms and legs flailing. _Just let go…_

_Hmph… baka Ainu._

With a sudden sense of freedom, like fresh air to stifled lungs, Horo felt Ren's control slip suddenly. The moment it left him, Horo fell to his knees, breathing heavily.

The only words he heard were Yoh's. "Is everything okay, buddy?"

_Infuriatingly calm as ever… do you want me to silence him too?_

Horo stumbled to his feet, knocking away Yoh's hand harshly. He started a desperate run back towards the Onsen.

"You can't hurt any of our friends," Horo told the voice, dashing into the safety of his room.

_Oh, believe me – give me chance, and I will._

_**- Flashback end -**_

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**_Author's Note: _**Another update coming soon! In the meantime, any reviews would be greatly appreciated :) 


	7. Control

**_Author's Note: _**Hey everyone! Here we go for another chapter! This one's the one that contains the slight yaoi that I warned you about at the beginning, but as I said, it's nothing major, I guess. I'm putting up another RenxHoro one-shot today as well, called 'My Reason for Living'. If you're interested, I'd really appreciate it if you could take a look!

**

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****- CHAPTER 7 -  
Control **

"Hello?"

"Good afternoon, Horokeu. I trust I find you well?" came the voice from the receiver.

Anna, who had answered the call, was stood watching him expectantly. The look on her face made him feel anxious. He turned his back.

"Uh… yeah, yeah. Listen, who is this?"

The voice on the other end sounded shocked to have been forgotten. "Tao Jun, of course."

His eyes widened. How had he not recognised her voice? "Oh… sorry, Jun."

"It doesn't matter," she told him, gently. "Horokeu, I'm calling regarding Ren."

His heart sank. He should have expected it. Glancing behind him to see Anna's watchful face, he moved the receiver closer to his mouth and lowered his voice. "Go on."

"A week from now, the Tao family will be holding the traditional funeral rites for Ren here in China," Jun explained. "His family members are all obliged to attend, considering his status within the family and all."

Horo felt tearful, hearing her soft voice quieten as she spoke of her younger brother. He wanted to say something to comfort her, but could think of nothing. Instead, he remained silent, waiting for her to continue.

"I was asked by my mother to extend an invitation to you. Traditionally, the deceased's lover is required to attend, but because you do not follow Chinese customs, it isn't necessary. Whether you wish to attend or not is entirely up to you."

"Jun, I… I can't."

"Is something the matter? If it's an issue of expenses, you needn't worry; we have private jets to bring you over here, and you are more than welcome to stay with us."

"No, it's not that… thanks and all, but… I can't."

"Very well," she sounded somewhat disappointed. "I have passed on details to Anna of how you can contact me should you change your mind."

"Okay."

"Well… I shall speak to you soon, Horokeu. Best wishes."

"Thanks, to you as well."

With a click, the line went dead. Horo put down the receiver, turning with a sigh to see Anna staring at him harshly, tapping a foot on the wooden floor. "You turned it down, didn't you?" the Itako demanded.

"Yeah, I had to, Anna, I-" he cut off, shaking his head. "You wouldn't understand."

Before she got chance to pry any more, he took to his heels and dashed back to his room. He closed the door firmly behind him.

He rested his back on it, sighing once more. No, she wouldn't understand. No one could. Ever since the incident with Chocolove two days back, Horo had isolated himself, only stepping foot out of his room when he needed to.

He was too scared for the safety of his friends should he be around them too long. It seemed as though the spirit of Ren was eager to harm _them _as much as he was the Ainu. And although being alone made himself even more vulnerable to Ren's insults and torment, he decided that he alone being hurt was a lot better than any of the others suffering. They were innocent, he was not. The more the ghost told him this, the more he began to believe it – he himself was partly responsible for the death of his love. Nobody else should suffer but him. This was why he could not face attending Ren's funeral – being around Ren's family, putting them in danger should the spirit decide to act against him, didn't seem like a logical idea to him. And also… seeing the sorrow of Ren's mother, his father, his sister, his grandfather, his cousins… and knowing he was responsible for every tear they shed. He couldn't bear that.

"There you go again, lamenting like a fool."

He looked up, knowing what to expect. The sudden appearances of Ren's spirit came so often now, they had ceased to surprise him.

"I see you were too afraid to accept my sister's invitation."

"I just didn't feel like it," he said, irritated, and took a step away form the door.

Ren moved fast, reaching out a hand as if to push him back.

Though there was no contact, Horo felt a force push at him, as though Ren was somehow manipulating his movements. His back slammed against the door, sending pain searing up his spine.

Ren came close – very close. Where Horo should have felt the body of the Chinese, he was met instead with a chilly sensation.

Their eyes were only a few centimetres apart – had both had physical forms, they would have been square against one another. Horo almost felt as though Ren's weight was holding him against the door, though he knew it was not possible.

His terrified eyes watched Ren carefully as he felt the icy sensation of what would have been a hand on his bare chest. He did not feel the touch, just the chill as Ren's eyes fixed into his, hardened as steel. Not once did the Chinese break eye contact.

"Ren…" he started, losing the words before he even began to speak them.

The spirit said nothing, just stared back into the Ainu's obsidian eyes, his gaze cruel and uncaring. Then, in one slow, calculated motion, Ren ran his translucent hand down Horo's chest.

Horo bit his lip. It felt as though Ren was sliding a frozen blade over his skin, slicing it effortlessly… so painful. His eyes were closed, not wanting to see the cruelty in Ren's golden irises as the freezing, burning touch reached his stomach.

Horo was breathing heavy. So much fear, so much pain…

"You know, Horokeu," came the seething voice of the spirit. "Even now, I still have absolute control over you."

Horo could tell by the feeling of cold breath on the side of his face that Ren's lips were right against his ear, his words whispered quietly, but harsh.

"No matter what…" Ren's hand lingered on his bare skin for a moment, then traced a line, down and down further still, towards the inside of his leg. "…I'll always be what rules you."

Horo winced, almost screaming in pain. "Get off me!"

He took what would have been a shoulder-barge into Ren's body. With an echo of taunting laughter, Ren disappeared. Horo fell to the ground at full force.

Ren reappeared again, behind him this time, laughing still.

Horo recoiled from the impact; curling into a ball on the floor, skin still tingling with agony.

"I told you, you're nothing without me. Your _life_ is mine."

Horo's mind span, remembering the last time he had heard those words. _Your _life _is mine…_ Hao had said to Ren, just before he had… "What do you want from me now?" he said, fighting through his cries of pain. He buried his head in his hands, knees tucked up to his chest.

"I know you're afraid. You're _terrified_ I might make you do something to your so-called 'friends'." Ren mocked, enjoying the sight of Horo curled up so defenceless on the floor.

"I…"

"I know that's why you're no going to China with my sister. That _and _your guilt, of course."

He began to shiver, more and more uncontrollably as the frosty touch of the spirit came over him again. He didn't dare to look, though he knew already what was happening – Ren was on top of him, pinning him down to the floor.

"I know your guilt consumes you," the spirit whispered harshly, once again into his ear. "But I also know how you can escape it."

Suddenly, the pain of the cold rushed away from him, eyes shooting open, staring into his palms. "You… do?"

"Yes, of course. And in fact, it is quite simple."

"What do I do?" Horo asked, turning his eyes to glance Ren's twisted smile, face level with his own.

Ren leant closer in, his legs straddled either side of Horo's waist. Almost inaudibly, he whispered his plan into the Ainu's ear. He moved away to admire the expression on Horo's face at the notion of this scheme.

Just as he expected, Horo's eyes were wide, face marked with realisation, but also with doubt. "What…? I… I couldn't…"

"Oh, believe me, you could. Don't you have enough reason?" he placed a ghostly hand on the side of Horo's face. "Just remember… why is it that you cannot feel this touch? Why has this been taken away from you?"

"Because…" Horo trailed off, tears stinging as he tried to touch Ren's hand, only to find his fingers slip right through.

"You know the reason. What life would you have if you carried on ignoring it? Do you think that you can live with your guilt?"

"No… it's too hard as it is…"

"Then, you must do it. I think you realise that you have no choice."

Horo was silent for a long few moments. During that time, he studied Ren's golden eyes carefully, missing their liquid-like state, and the way his violet hair fell into his irises, making the great Tao Ren look so graceful and gentle… slowly, the feeling of the burning ice came back, pressed down now on every inch of Horo's body. _How he longed to reach out and touch the one he loved…_

"When… should I do it?" he eventually asked.

Ren's smile was satisfied. "We will start tomorrow."

* * *

**_Author's Note:_** So Ren has put an evil plan in Horo's head. Wonder what it is? Find out next chapter!  
Thanks everyone for your support, especially to Shattered's biggest fan, Godfather's Sweetheart - I'm sorry I'm killing you with suspense! 


	8. A Plan In Motion

**_Author's Note: _**Sorry to disappoint you - I'm still alive XD  
Also, I'm equally sorry the next update is a little overdue. I've got a hy-uge coursework build-up (isn't it always so?), with one of my final exams coming up this week.  
In its writing stage, 'Shattered' is nearly finished, though my updates on here means that I'm catching up so fast that I'm gonna have to write quicker! You see, I write my stories by hand and put them up chapter by chapter, normally while I'm still composing the fic. That's what's going on here. As it stands now, we are just under three-quarters of the way through here online. Now, enough for my boring updates... let's get on with the show!

**

* * *

**

**- CHAPTER 8-  
A Plan In Motion**

The streets that night were bustling, yet somewhat eerie. It was way past midnight, and the air was starting to chill as the dim streetlights left misty circles on the sidewalk.

Horo had always hated this part of town – all the sleazy lowlifes and drunken down-and-outs wandered the streets under the garish glow of neon signs from nightclubs and rough hotels assembled here, making it a dark and dangerous place to be alone. Horo could not believe how many clubs had managed to locate in the same street. It was a dull and depressing sight, the air polluted by the beats of loud music coming from each building, and mixing with the bass of the next, broken bottles and cans rolling in the gutter, the road filled with drunken crowds cutting off any road access to the street at this time.

Horo resented the place. He wanted to get out and go home, back to the safety of the Onsen. Stuffing his hands determinedly into his pockets, he walked awkwardly onwards, remembering why he was here.

Mentally following the directions Ren had relayed for him, he bore to his right, into a narrow alleyway. As he turned, he glanced his reflection in the blackened glass of a window, the building abandoned long before. The window was broken – probably by some drunken hooligans for kicks – leaving a spider web of shatters reaching from the centre to the outside. Around it, he saw himself, his face fragmented in the tiny shards of glass. He was surprised at what he saw.

The once soft eyes of the Ainu were gentle no more – their obsidian colour was cold, uncaring. They looked heavy from the countless tears and troubled sleep, making his appearance much darker than before. His azure hair hung limply over his headband, giving him a look of wear. His usual, carefree smile had gone – replaced now by a stone-set expression. He now had the appearance of a sufferer of much pain and hardship.

_Keep moving, Ainu-baka,_ he heard the voice of Ren echo inside his mind. He hadn't realised he had stopped walking.

Without a word, Horo moved on, glancing edgily down the alley as he headed down it. The crowds that flocked the streets didn't seem to touch this back street; Horo could see no one, the noises of the main street muted by a bizarre vacuum of sound. It wasn't long before a new noise occurred to him – music, once again; the same repetitive beats from before. Red light was spilling out into the alley from a doorway a little further down and although it didn't give much light, it bathed the alley with a crimson glow, as though blood had been painted across the walls. Creepily appropriate for his current task, Horo thought to himself.

As the doorway ahead neared, he could hear the music getting louder, accompanied now by the sound of voices. He kept his eyes fixed on his destination, moving quickly. A figure suddenly emerged from the door. It was a young man, presumably in his early twenties, with dark hair and light eyes. He was facing the door, talking to someone inside, bidding them goodbye.

_The prey comes to the hunter,_ Ren said. _Prepare yourself._

Horo glanced around, knowing exactly what Ren was telling him to do. The nearest thing he saw was a long but quite thick piece of wood that lent against a trashcan. Seizing it begrudgingly, he sank back into the shadows at the side of the alleyway as the man began to head in his direction. He was clearly drunk, swaying as he took uneven steps, singing to himself under his breath.

Horo twitched the wood in his hands nervously. He knew he was invisible where he was standing, but it didn't make him feel any more comfortable about his situation. The man passed his hiding place, stumbling a little.

A second later, Horo was out, wood wielded like a weapon.

He was amazed at how effortlessly and silently the man had fallen. A crack around the shoulders was all it took to knock him down.

_Too far gone, _Horo thought to himself, discarding the stick with guilt.

_Well, you carried out the first step correctly, _the spirit said. _You know what you are looking for, now retrieve it._

It took Horo a long few moments to gather his composure, considering what he had done. He peered down at the man's face – he looked as though he was merely sleeping on the cold alley floor, still breathing. The Ainu was riddled with guilt, but at the same time, relieved to find he had at least not _killed_ the guy. But Ren was right. He had done this for one reason only.

Horo knelt down beside the body. That reason was likely to be in this guy's pocket. Reaching inside, he pulled out a thin black wallet. Shooting another glance over the man's face, then back to the door to make sure no one was around, he opened it, fumbling it in his hands. The wallet was wedged with notes, but he did not touch them; that wasn't what he wanted. Thanking the gift of organisation, Horo turned a fold to find a neatly kept card holder. He scanned the contents, looking for the card that Ren had described to him.

There it was – black with white writing.

Swiftly, he pulled it out, snapping the wallet shut. He placed it carefully back in the pocket of the man, whispering a brief apology before continuing his route towards the doorway.

_Forget it, _Ren's voice told him, reading his guilt-ridden thoughts. _Focus on the task ahead._

Horo knew he was right – to do what he needed to do, he needed all of his concentration.

The sign above the door soon came into view. "Club Patch…" he read aloud. He had tried to stop himself from wondering how Ren knew this place, and how he knew so _much_. He glanced down at the card in his hand – black with white writing, just like the sign. It read 'Club Patch membership card'. Horo was surprised that a place this shady had something as simplistic as membership cards. He breathed out heavily, stepping into the red-bathed corridor. He was met with a flight of stairs. At the bottom, he could see a door – huge and metal with a shutter near the top. Hearing the sound of the music beating from inside, he took slow, careful steps downwards.

_Can't you go any faster?_ Ren demanded, aggravated.

"I'm doing my best…" he muttered back, being truthful. The spirit didn't seem to realise how _hard_ this whole event was for him, even at this simple stage.

Taking the last step down, Horo could feel the floor shaking underneath his feet with the vibration of the music. The very _air_ quivered around him.

He was just beginning to wonder if he should knock on the enormous door in front of him, when the shutter near the top slid open.

"Yeah?" the voice that greeted him was gruff and impolite.

Horo hesitated; the eyes peering at him through the shutter were dark and intimidating.

_Show him the card,_ Ren's voice told him, impatience building.

Looking at the card once more in his hand, he lifted it up to show the watching eyes.

With an aggravated groan like an angry beast deprived of a meal, the guard slammed the shutter closed and stepped back, tugging the door open.

Horo was greeted immediately by blaring music. All he could see were crowds of people – possibly even _thousands_ of them – gathered in the swelteringly hot room, spinning with dim, multi-coloured lights. The combined smell of smoke and alcohol in his lungs made him feel sick. He heard the metal door slam behind him and he immediately felt trapped – like the prison bars closing on a convict.

He took another deep breath, taking his first step into the crowd. He immediately felt himself having to struggle against the flow of the people. He was spared the trouble of wondering where he should go first as he swayed a little and found himself being swept along with the moving people – dancing, bustling around, moving close to one another.

When he came to a stop, after bumping into everyone around him, he found himself in what seemed to be the only place in the club where the crowd dispersed enough to make room to move. Horo saw he was standing in front of a huge well-lit bar. He adjusted his coat around himself, never feeling as out of place as he did right then. The beats of the music throbbed through his head, making it sear with pain.

_Don't even consider looking back now,_ Ren told him, his voice threatening. Horo knew that if he _did _look back, the spirit would torment him in ways much worse than anything he would experience here.

"Another one, Nichrome."

The slam of a glass against the countertop, followed by a familiar yet haunting voice made Horo focus his attention back on the bar.

The man who stood behind the bar was quite short, with dark brown hair and sharp green eyes. He was looking somewhat disapprovingly at the other person in front of him – the man who had just demanded another drink.

Horo jolted as he saw the long brown hair of the too-familiar person. But now, his soft chestnut eyes seemed somewhat absent, the carefree grin had not left a trace on his expression.

"Hao-sama… you know, you won't drink your problems away," the bartender – obviously called Nichrome – said, in a cautious but warning tone.

"I can damn well try," Hao answered. Horo noticed a slight slur to his words as he spoke. He slammed his glass on the counter again, eyes fixed on Nichrome. "Now… get me another."

Nichrome surveyed him for a moment, looking hesitant. But, after only a few seconds, he had reached down and pulled out a large bottle. He poured the see-through liquid into Hao's empty glass.

The moment Nichrome had moved away, Hao had grabbed the drink and downed it in one. He slammed it back down. "Another," he instructed, simply.

Sighing to himself, Nichrome poured another glass. "Do you think you'd rather talk about it instead?"

"What's there to talk about?" Hao said, his voice loud and forceful, as if he were trying to hold back… _tears. _"He's gone, I killed him. I destroyed my own chances, Nichrome – no one else's."

_He's talking about Ren…_ Horo knew before he even consciously thought it.

_The bastard mourns me now…_ the spirit commented.

It seemed Hao's feelings for Ren ran deeper than Horo might have first thought. And it seemed now like he too was suffering. The smell of alcohol around him suggested that he'd found a way of dealing with this pain – only to reveal another part of himself when he got too carried away. The guilt that flooded from him now was a world away from Hao's usual relaxed exterior.

"This," Nichrome gestured to the drink, "isn't going to bring him back."

"It's all because of that goddamn Ainu!" Hao exclaimed, his shoulders hunched over, his breathing harsh. "_He _took Ren away! _He's_ the reason I had to kill him!"

Horo didn't even flinch at Hao's words. He knew the truth – it wasn't about to shock him now. It was his fault.

_This is your chance. Seize it._

Ren's voice was firm. Horo knew he had an advantage here. With Hao so far out of it, there was a chance – if only a small one – the brown-haired Shaman might not recognise him. Not knowing what to expect, and finding that he didn't even care, he walked towards the bar. He took a seat two places down from Hao.

Nichrome turned to him as he sat down. "Can I get you anything?"

"No… thanks," Horo said, not liking the thought of having that vile stuff inside of him.

Nichrome nodded, and with one more glance at Hao, turned back to the shelves behind the bar, busying himself with glasses and bottles.

_Do it, _Ren urged. _Say something._

Not knowing if the high-necked coat he wore would serve as some sort of disguise, Horo felt uncomfortable about talking to his lover's murderer, for more reasons than one. Still… to make his plan a success…

"You lost someone too, huh?" he asked, not even glancing towards Hao.

The brown-haired Shaman turned to look at him. Horo noticed how his eyes seemed to shift in and out of focus. He squinted, as if to try to see Horo better.

He studied him, chestnut orbs tracing every line and mark of the bluenette's face. After a few seconds, Hao's eyes sprung wide.

Horo silently cursed – _he had recognised him_.

But Hao's eyes simply fell back to his drink.

Horo breathed out. _No, he won't see you like this,_ he told himself. _He can't even see straight. _Steadying his rapid heartbeats, he focused on Hao's next words.

"What would you know about it?"

_A lot more than you could ever know, _Horo told him in his mind. Out loud, he answered in a matter-of-fact way, "I lost someone too. My love."

Hao did not answer, staring down into his glass.

"And what about you?" Horo asked him, unsure of whether he wanted to hear the answer. "Who did you lose?"

"My _own_ love."

Horo folded his arms tighter around himself, focusing on the bar top.

_Hah… delusional fool. It seems he still lives in dreams…_ he heard Ren sneer.

Nichrome stood near Horo. He leant in towards him, over the bar and said, in a low voice, "He's been taking it real hard ever since it happened. He can be a little touchy, so if I were you, I wouldn't-"

"Shut the hell up, Nichrome," Hao interrupted.

"Y-Yes, Hao-sama." Nichrome bowed apologetically and left to attend to the other side of the bar.

"Let me get you a drink," Hao invited.

"No, I… I don't want anything," Horo refused for the second time. "…Thanks."

"You're an odd one…" Hao said, looking at the Ainu with vacant eyes. "Refusing a free drink. Most of the other lowlifes here would jump at the chance."

"Free?"

Hao gave him a strange look. "Yes. I own this place. I thought you would have known that – being a member and all."

"Uh, yeah… I did. Slipped my mind," Horo lied, glad of Hao's gullibility right now. He was surprised by the notion that Hao owned this shifty place. It was beyond Horo as to how he acquired such a thing – but he realised: this was Hao. He had a lot of lackeys in high places.

_That small fact must have escaped me,_ Ren said, not a trace of apology in his voice.

He ignored it, carrying on with his self-proclaimed 'mission'. "I don't drink much," he continued. _In fact, I don't drink at all,_ he said, inwardly.

"Heh, then you're the unlucky one," Hao took his glass from the bar top. Again, he drained it in one. "Helps you to stop thinking about this kind of thing."

Horo diverted his gaze. He found this conversation becoming more and more awkward. It was killing him to even speak to this _murderer._

_Continue, baka! _Ren told him. _How many times must I tell you?_

Gritting his teeth, Horo spoke again. "So… what happened to this 'love' of yours?"

"Murdered," Hao said, his eyes still fixed into his empty glass.

Nichrome shot his master a look, indicating he should not say too much.

Hao glared back, simply gesturing to his glass for another drink. Nichrome approached and filled it obediently.

"Say, do you come here often?" Hao asked, watching the liquid fill. "I don't recognise you."

Horo thought carefully – he must not blow his cover. "No, only occasionally."

"Which level do you normally stay on?" Hao asked.

_What?_ He thought desperately to Ren for an answer.

_The first floor,_ the spirit said back. _Only the privileged are permitted on any lower levels._

"Just around here," Horo said, heart racing.

Hao shot him a sideward glance. "Will you be here tomorrow?"

Horo felt somewhat uneasy under his stare. "I could be."

"Good. Because you haven't _really _been to Club Patch until you've been to the basement floor. Only individuals with _my _personal clearance get down there."

"It… must be special," Horo said, awkwardly. He was almost too afraid to wonder what it was like down there.

_Keep going, _the spirit said. _See how close you are._

"Nichrome!"

The man turned.

"Grant him clearance to the third level tomorrow night," Hao instructed. "No questions asked. I feel we need to talk in a more… _private_ area."

Horo almost shuddered at the thought. He contained himself best as he could, trying to stay positive about the situation. "Well, thanks."

Hao gave him an odd, lop-sided smile, before downing yet another full glass. "It's well past closing time, Nichrome. Get everyone out of here."

"As you wish, Hao-sama," Nichrome gave a slight bow, leaving the bar and disappearing into the crowd.

Hao also got to his feet. Horo watched him sway a little as he rose. He frowned after him as Hao smiled once more and stumbled off into the crowd.

_Our revenge… begins tomorrow night._

He nodded at Ren's words, thinking of the blade of the Horai-ken, waiting back at the Onsen for the final part of this task.

* * *

**_Author's Note: _**The concept of Club Patch was used by kind permission of DayDrEaMiNg-child (Sai). Her representation of the place in 'Kimi Dake (Only You)' impressed me so much that it ended up influencing my own work. So, I don't claim any credit for making it. Thank you for your help and support, Sai!  
And as for everyone else, thanks for your reviews and feedback! Please keep them coming :) 


	9. A Sister's Worry

**_Author's Note: _**Geez, it's been such a long time since I made an update! I'm very sorry, everyone - but now, I'm happy to present to you the next chapter of Shattered! Unfortunately, this is a short filler chapter rather than being a full-scale one as my others have been. Nevertheless, the events in this chapter are crucial to the storyline. Enjoy X3

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- **CHAPTER 9 -  
A Sister's Worry**

"Pirika, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about," Yoh said, as relaxed as ever. "He'll be fine."

She looked at Yoh blankly, sheer desperation shining in her tearful blue eyes. Glancing around at the others, beginning to sob, she silently willed them all to tell Yoh to stop being so _calm_ about things.

When no one spoke, she spluttered. "But… but… it's so late!"

Tamao had a caring arm around Pirika's shoulder; she too beside herself with worry.

"I can understand why she'd be worried," Ryu said, knowingly. "After all, it's close to 3a.m., and this brother of hers was also the very same person who tried to kill himself not too long ago. He's not been himself recently."

Anna shot the pompadoured Shaman a stare that could freeze water solid. Ryu always had a knack for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Pirika's tears came faster now. She didn't need to be reminded of her brother's unpredictable behaviour as of late.

"Listen Pirika – Horo's been through a lot. He's probably just out for a late-night walk to clear his head. I wouldn't be surprised." Anna said, matter-of-factly.

"But what if something has happened to him?"

"He's a Shaman… and he can fend for himself. I'm sure he'll be fine." Anna stated nonchalantly.

It was just at that moment that the front door to the Onsen opened. A second later, it banged shut.

By the time the others had registered the sound, Pirika was already on her feet.

"Onii-chan!"

Pirika took a run towards her brother, arms catching him tightly and causing him to stumble.

When the others approached the door, they saw Pirika crying into her brother's chest.

Horo did not react to his sister's sudden greeting. He stood there, just inside the doorway, staring off into space as Pirika sobbed.

"Where have you been?" she continued to cry.

Anna narrowed her eyes, suddenly taking the role of a mother scolding a child. "Do you have any idea what time it is? Your sister's been worried sick."

Horo did not answer.

The silence in the hallway was tense – obviously there was something that Horo was not telling. Pirika's sobs were muffled by her brother's coat, barely audible now.

Looking over the others glassily, he paused.

"I'm going to bed," was his eventual reply.

"Onii-chan!" Pirika whimpered after him as he sharply pulled himself from her grasp and started up the stairs.

The others stared after him as he ascended – some with annoyance, some with disbelief.

"Well, then," said Anna, after a moment. "Now that that's all over and done with, we can finally get some rest. You guys are gonna need all the sleep you can get – _double_ chores tomorrow."

None of them protested. Most of them were still bewildered from having been awoken so suddenly in the middle of the night by Pirika's wailing, and all further confused by Horo's strange behaviour, it was clear that all they needed was rest. And so, without a word, all of them filed up the stairs. Anna walked behind them, ushering them on. She only glanced back to look at Pirika, who has been left standing in the doorway, tears welling and a look of utter despair on her face. Anna did nothing to comfort her.

It was only once Pirika had heard everyone's doors close shut did she even think about moving from the hallway. Lips quivering, she took an uneasy step forward on the wooden floor. The sound of her bare foot tapping the floor seemed to scare her, and she recoiled a little.

Taking a few heavy breaths, she continued. She crept up the stairs, jumping at every creak on the floorboards, flinching at the sight of her own shadow cast on the walls by the moonlight.

Without a second thought, she crept past the door to her own room entirely. And it was only a few more tiptoed steps until she reached the room in which her brother slept.

She paused at the door. It was slightly open – just enough for her to peer inside. Putting an azure eye to the door, she saw nothing but darkness within. Horo had obviously already shut out the lights.

Hoping that this meant he was asleep, she took a deep breath. With a gentle push, the door swung back silently on its hinges. Her gaze automatically fell to Horo's bed. Much to her relief, she saw a mound beneath the bed sheets, indicating that Horo was there.

Just as noiselessly, she took a few more steps into the room.

She knew what she was looking for – and it didn't seem willing to evade her. The smell she has picked up hit her within a few seconds; that was what she wanted.

It was an overpowering smell – and not to mention sickening. Pirika felt her stomach churn as it washed over her. It was a putrid smell; alcohol and stale smoke, she thought inwardly.

As soon as her brother had walked through the door, she had smelt it. At first, she had disregarded it, forgotten in the haste to reach her brother. It was only when she hugged him had it truly hit her. Expecting to take comfort in her brother's calming scent – fresh and warm, like pines stood out on a snowy night – she was met instead with _that_ smell.

It wasn't right. Where on earth had her brother _been_ to end up smelling like that?

Taking another step, she found her foot on the thing she had been looking for. Horo's coat, discarded on the floor as though it were simply litter. She seized it with an unwilling hand, casting a nervous glance to her brother's bed.

Confident that he was still, she slowly straightened, pulling the coat up with her.

But before she had lifted it from the floor, something dropped from the pocket. It was small, and it hardly made a sound as it bounced off the wood of the floor. She froze, glancing at Horo.

No reaction.

Waiting a few seconds, holding her breath, she watched him warily.

Still no signs of waking. She turned her attention to the object that now lay on the floor. She dropped to her knees, letting the coat slide back to the ground.

Her eyebrows furrowed, confused at first. It was made of plastic, thin and rectangular in shape. She would have guessed it was black in colour, but the night drained it of any hue.

Reaching out careful fingers, she picked it up tentatively. Turning it over, she saw large white letters staring back at her. She returned the stare with wide, shocked eyes.

The letters read:

_Club Patch._

* * *

**_Author's Note: _**The last few chapters of Shattered are currently under-going some rewriting at the moment, but hopefully, the next update should make an appearance within the next 2-3 weeks (fingers crossed!), as I'm just finishing up school :)  
For now though, please let me know what you think! 


	10. Into the Lair

**_Author's Note:_** Okay, you're all gonna kill me for being so late with this chapter (especially Godfather's Sweetheart - I'm gonna have to fight her off with a kwan dao to stop her from murdering me... XD), but unfortunately, I've had writer's block when it came to Shattered for a few weeks. On top of that, I'm right in the middle of exams, _and _I'm currently applying for a part-time job (as an anime/manga artist! Can you think of a better job?), so things are picking back up, even though school is over. Anyway, enough with my excuses and commentary on my strange little life, and I apologise in advance if this chapter is not as good as the others due to the aforementioned writer's block I've had to fight through.  
Enjoy!

* * *

**- CHAPTER 10 –  
****Into the Lair**

"Oh, it's you," Nichrome greeted Horo when he arrived at Club Patch the next night. "Come on in."

Horo nodded in recognition, somewhat not willing to speak. He watched silently as Nichrome opened up a small stairway, concealed behind the bar. Ren wasn't kidding when he said that only people permitted by Hao could go to the basement levels.

Nichrome gestured to the opening. Horo took the hint and awkwardly made his way around the bar and on to the stairway. He stopped just inside, hearing Nichrome slam the door shut behind him. He expected to be plunged into complete darkness – and he would have been, had it not been for a single bare light bulb that hung from the low ceiling. The light threw shadows around the small passageway, just about highlighting a door that stood at the bottom of the staircase.

There was no security down here; obviously Hao trusted Nichrome to guard the concealed entrance. The door he could see now was metal, just like the other imposing doorways he had seen in the place.

He felt the weight of the Horaiken in his pocket as he took his first steps down the staircase.

_Yes, we're so very near,_ Ren said. _The next task is simple – are you ready?_

Horo nodded in response. He didn't feel at all ready. But, as the spirit told him, it was the only way… but simple was the last thing this task was.

Reaching the bottom, he paused again, putting his hand on the handle of the door. He listened for the muted sounds of the music on the floor above. It was hardly audible now. By the sound of it, the room beyond the door was absolutely silent. Horo decided to himself not to trust that thought.

_Go,_ Ren urged. _Or will I have to take care of this myself?_

Ren's words struck Horo with fear, and he pulled the door handle in one deliberate motion. It swung open.

The first thing he saw was Hao.

"Welcome, Horokeu."

Horo's eyes shot wide. This wasn't the greeting that he has been expecting.

"I removed my security from the doors to ensure that you got in without question – even _with_ whatever weapons you might be carrying." Hao said, his voice as calm as ever. "Only Nichrome guards the door tonight." Hao's face was sneering, knowing… he had been expecting Horo somehow…

"What…?" Hao trailed off, his mind not grasping the situation.

"Oh, don't worry about such simple things," Hao beamed. He smiled his usual wide smile, but his eyes were full of fire. "All that matters is that you arrived here safely."

Horo backed away as Hao began to advance. "Hao…" he began, sensing the danger in the air. Subconsciously, Horo noticed that the room they were in was empty – completely silent, just as it had sounded. The size of the room, the chairs and tables assembled and the vast stage at one end, all bathed in blue light, told Horo that this place was usually bustling with people, much like the floor above. It was obvious Hao had been expecting him – maybe even had cleared the room out just for his arrival, along with removing security.

"You thought I wouldn't recognise you last night?" Hao questioned, smile slowly slipping as he came nearer. "You really are a fool."

Horo watched him, stepping back slowly, away from the killer.

His back hit the wall.

He jolted, the shock to his spine enough to make him tremble.

Hao was close now. He stood, completely motionless, less than a metre away from Horo. His eyes were flickering malice – a malice that grew fiercer, and fiercer… A final look of anger passed his face, and each of Hao's gloved hands smacked the wall either side of Horo's head. His vision blurred with terror. "Tell me… what are you hoping to achieve here?" Hao asked, his breath raspy with fury.

Horo stared back, deep into the fiery eyes of the other shaman. His hand twitched nervously at the handle of the sword through the pocket of his jacket. This plan had horribly backfired.

Hao followed his hand movement, smiling maliciously as he realised Horo's intentions. "I see… you're quite daring, aren't you, Horokeu?" Hao was far from shocked or surprised – it was almost as though, he was _expecting _it, as though he was just happy that Horo had complied with his expectations…

Feeling Hao's breath hot on his face, still musty with the smell of alcohol, Horo searched desperately for Ren's presence inside his head, pleading for help.

The spirit was nowhere to be found.

Hao laughed lightly, but dangerously. Within a moment, a gloved hand collided with the side of Horo's face.

Horo recoiled with the blow. The punch had hit him directly in the jaw. He held his face, reeling in pain.

While he was staggering, Hao threw another blow. Again, it hit the Ainu's face.

Horo fell to the floor as Hao stepped back, nearly completely blinded by the punch.

"It's your fault!" Hao spat down at him. "If you hadn't been with Ren, he wouldn't have died! I could have been with him!"

Horo was shivering with pain, eyes closed tightly against the blood that pounded behind his eyelids, when he felt the next blow plough his stomach. He let out an agonised cry as his breath rushed out of him, stinging his lungs, leaving him curled up small against the wall.

"I deserved him more than you! He told me what you were like… why would he choose someone like _you_!" Hao continued, raising his fist again.

What was he going to do? Was he going to die like this? He knew that Hao was capable of killing if he had enough motive – he had seen proof of that with his own eyes. He knew Hao was stronger, especially when he was angered like this. It seemed that the brown-haired shaman was almost _hysterical_ when talking about Ren.

His fist came down again, landing another satisfying blow into Horo's body.

No… he had to fight back. Underneath his folded arms, is hand moved slowly to the pocket of his coat, softly, so as not to alert Hao's attention.

"Aren't you even sorry for what you've done! Don't you show any remorse!" Hao yelled. He wanted Horo to stand up and fight – that way, he could inflict more pain on him; the kind of pain he wanted to give him.

The handle of the sword brushed Horo's hand as he felt tears hit his eyes. He had one chance… one chance to gain forgiveness.

Hao was agitated – why wasn't he fighting back? This wasn't what he wanted…

"Hao…" Horo managed, struggling to speak from the pain he could feel tearing throughout his body, feeling as emotional as it was physical. "I know… that it was my fault. I know that I'm to blame for Ren's death… but you're not the only one who is suffering."

"What do you know about suffering?" Hao seethed.

Horo pushed himself up from the ground, shuddering with every movement. "You'd be surprised…"

Hao watched him with a gleeful smile. "Hah, look at you. You can't even stand up straight. You're going to try and make a stand now?"

Hand still on the handle of the Horaiken, Horo felt a determination run through him. He pulled the weapon from its hiding place, quivering at the sound of the metal slicing the air.

Hao did not even flinch at the sight of the sword. Without warning, Hao lunged at Horo once again.

Horo panicked, reacting too late to stop the sudden attack. A swift punch collided with his arm, knocking the sword flying. It bounced on the ground with a resounding clang, as Hao's fist swung around a split second later to slam into Horo's face once more.

Horo cried out in agony, bent over double with the pain.

"Hah! You're so weak!" Hao mocked, laughing as the sword tumbled to his feet.

Horo almost felt his heart stop, his breathing slowing as he watched Hao bend and seize the sword.

As Hao stood once more to his full height, Horaiken in his hand, Horo watched the dim blue light reflect from the killer's chestnut eyes. It was a disturbing contrast of red and blue, just like the crimson furnaces in Hao's irises set against his ocean-blue smile of happiness. The hue cast shadows over Hao's face, making it seem somewhat more dangerous than usual – darker, more sinister, almost sunken and lifeless…

"Let me tell you something, Horokeu. It's something you're probably not aware of," Hao said, taking a single, threatening step forward. To Horo's relief, there was still a distance between them. He kept his steady obsidian gaze fixed upon on the killer, anxiously awaiting every move, every breath that Hao took – and still, every muscle in the Ainu's body screaming out in agony from exhaustion.

"Cast your mind back a few months ago. You and Ren fought one night, am I right? That he left the house and did not return until next morning?"

Horo closed his eyes as the sharp memory rose to his mind, spearing him like a dagger. Up until now, Horo had always seen that night as his biggest sin… "Yes, that happened, but… how did you know?"

For nearly a full minute, Hao said nothing. Then, slowly, he turned his back to Horo, long brown hair falling around itself like a mass of vicious snakes. "He was here that night. I nearly had him for my own."

"What…?" Horo stared blankly at the back of the other shaman, mind running confused laps around itself.

"Don't even bother accusing me of lying," Hao glanced back over his shoulder at the Ainu, a look of sheer hatred in his eyes.

The expression on Hao's face was set as stone – this was far from a lie, even a child could see the sincerity and almost _sorrow_ in Hao's words rang true…

-**_Flashback –  
_**They didn't very often have the Onsen to themselves, so they seized every opportunity they got. Tonight was one of those rare times. Horo hadn't bothered enquiring where the others were going – it was of no interest to him really; all he cared about was that he had that time alone with Ren.

They had been together for more than a few months, but still no one knew – at least, if they did, they showed no recognition of it. Horo was often afraid that one of the others would catch him stealing a loving glance towards Ren, or secretly intertwining his fingers with Ren's under the dinner table.

If they saw, they would know.

Horo didn't want them to know - not until Ren said it was okay.

Horo had been passive in this way since the very beginning of the relationship, always holding Ren's wishes and opinions above his own. He knew that he never wanted harm to come to Ren – even though he knew that Ren was more than capable of looking after himself. He made sure that things went the way Ren wanted them to, just to ensure he was content – even if Ren didn't mind either way. The result was not one of mollycoddling, as one would expect, but rather of a great respect that existed between the two of them, an unspoken fairness, an understanding. Though Ren was more subtle with his feelings, his regard for Horo was no less deep.

And it was always on nights like these that their respect for each other conveyed the most. With their relationship still a secret, they could only wait for these times to come.

Horo had found out about his friends' absence that morning. Yoh had mentioned something about it, and had asked if he wanted to come along. Horo politely declined, adding in some rushed excuse about homework, knowing that Ren would do the same. And sure enough, less than an hour later, he saw Ren pass a secret smile his way – without even a word being passed between them, it was arranged.

Now they just had to wait until tonight.

Horo and Ren set off from the Onsen together as usual, walking in silence until they were out of the street that their home was on.

"So… I take it that they're leaving us tonight?" Ren questioned as soon as they rounded the corner, his golden eyes sliding coyly to look at the Ainu.

Horo returned a breezy smile – not too eager, not unwilling, he told himself. "It seems that way." Casting his eyes down at his shoes, taking a deep breath, he fumbled over his question. Keeping his gaze down, he began, "Are you…?"

Ren cut him off almost immediately. "Yes. Yes I am. But let's just get through the day first, shall we?"

Horo nodded in agreement, dizzy in his euphoria. It felt as though a wayward God had granted him the undertaking of a sin – a beautiful, desirable sin… but deadly nonetheless. The cool morning sun prickled his face, the breeze calming his soul as he took a glance around himself and took Ren's hand in his.

_Everybody has their weaknesses, don't they?_

* * *

**_Author's Note: _**This flashback will continue in the next chapter (maybe next couple of chapters, depending on how long it takes), which I **will** put up soon - no kidding this time! Thanks for sticking with me everyone, and please leave a review if you can :) 


	11. Weakness

**_Author's Note:_** Ugh, I always end up starting my author's notes the same way, don't I? Sorry for the delay, I promise to be quicker next time, etc... well then, I think I can probably leave that out, as you all know what I'm gonna say anyway.  
I am absolutely determined to get this story finished soon - when I have something that's just hanging like this, it's on my mind constantly, and that's just what I've been like with this. It really bugs me! So, in order to free myself of the worry, and also to free you all of such a long wait between each chapter, I am SO gonna get this finished ASAP. The summer holidays are also here for me, so hopefully, that means plenty of time to write.  
I've had a lot going on at the moment. Since my last update, I've been on holiday, applied for two jobs (one as a manga artist and one as a sales assistant in a computer games store) and finished my final exams. Hoorah :)  
Anyway, sorry for my rambling - please enjoy this next chapter, which is a continuation of the flashback started last time.

**_Warning:_** slight yaoi.

**

* * *

CHAPTER 11  
Weakness **

It began as soon as he entered the classroom.

Ren slumped down in to his chair, swinging his bag on to the desk.

"Good morning, Ren."

Sighing deeply, Ren looked up, knowing whom to expect.

And as he guessed, Hao was there, standing over his desk, hands resting on the surface, a cheerful but calculating smile on his face.

"Hm, perhaps." Ren said, nonchalantly, lifting the desk lid to sort through its contents.

With a simple push on the wood from Hao's palms, it snapped shut again. Ren looked up, scowling with annoyance.

"I wanted to talk to you," Hao continued with the same happy tone.

Locking eyes with the other shaman, Ren knew that Hao wouldn't leave just because he was told; and no one else was about to try and move him either, scared of his volatile temper. Sure enough, Ren noted that everyone else was keeping a sizeable distance from his desk, not even daring to look in his direction in case Hao saw and sparked off. The determined glint in Hao's eyes told Ren that he wasn't about to give up easily.

"This had better be worth my while." Ren said, matter-of-factly.

Hao smiled triumphantly. "I have a suggestion that might interest you… a place, I should say." Hao lifted up one of his hands to show a card that he now held. Placing it on the table, he slid it across the surface to Ren.

Ren caught hold of it, and, with another glance around at his classmates, lifted it up to read what it said. Black, with white writing, Ren noted subconsciously.

"You should come by some time. Tonight, perhaps?" Hao said – this was not a request; much more like a demand.

Ren scowled. _Club Patch…_ something about this sounded shifty. "And _why_ do you want _me_ to go to this place?"

"You might have fun," Hao beamed, standing up straight. "Even you are capable of having a good time, Ren – believe me."

A bell sounded, cutting Hao short. The class began to take their seats.

"Let me know your answer later." Hao said, turning and walking back to his own desk.

Ren watched him go, a look of contempt on his face. He tried to tell himself that he would be out of here soon, out of Hao's poison presence. To pass the time, he thought of Horo. It wasn't a planned thought pattern – whenever Ren found his mind idly drifting like this, his thoughts always found the blue-haired Ainu.

Horo wasn't in any of his classes – but Hao was. Hao was in almost all of them, for that matter. And so Ren spent most of his days feigning introversion under Hao's uncomfortable, unceasing stare. Though Ren and Horo has successfully managed to keep their relationship a secret from both their friends and the rest of the school so far, Hao was not so secret about his apparent feelings towards the Chinese. Just from the way Hao _acted_ around Ren, their classmates could see that there was something going on between the two of them – and just as equally, knew to keep clear of the situation, much rather than invoke Hao's wrath.

And so it was that Ren was normally the object of everyone's attention – be it Hao's; starry-eyed girls who followed him, love struck, like obedient sheep; or the classmates who were so intrigued by his relationship with Hao. This was why the handles on the clock always seemed as though they were ticking through treacle. Today was no different.

And when the time to leave finally _did_ arrive, Ren was in for yet another surprise.

He was half-way out of the door, swinging his bag on to his shoulders as he walked in his haste to get out of there – when the door slammed shut in his face.

He looked around menacingly, to be greeted with Hao's cheerful face. Ren cursed as he heard a bolt click, realising Hao's plan. With a quick glance around the room it was confirmed: Hao wanted him in here, alone.

"Where are you off to in such a hurry?" Hao asked, placing himself directly in Ren's line of sight. "You're forgetting something. You need to give me an answer."

Ren's eyes narrowed. "I have better things to do." He made to walk around the brunette, but Hao simply sidestepped back in Ren's way, blocking him from the door again.

"What, than stay here and talk to me, or to come to Club Patch tonight?" Hao put on an expression of mock insult.

"Both." Ren said, simply. He reached out to open the door, only to find his wrist ensnared by Hao's powerful grip. "Let go of me." Ren warned, his voice low and threatening.

"Not until you tell me that you are coming to see me tonight."

"There is no way in _hell_ I'd choose to see you of my own free will." Ren stated. He hated the way Hao sounded – like a spoilt child whining for his own way.

With only a few seconds pause, Hao reacted, his whole demeanour switching almost instantly. Using brute force, Hao swung Ren around and threw him into the wall behind them. His grip still on Ren's wrist, he used it to ensnare him.

Ren tasted blood in his mouth as his face smacked directly against the wall. It was all he could do to stop himself yelling out in pain as Hao twisted his arm further and further up his back. In this current situation, Ren was helpless.

"Now, shall we try this again, _Ren-chan_?"

Ren shuddered as he felt a touch at his earlobe – Hao was gently stroking Ren's hair with his free hand. The nickname Hao used to address him made him feel even worse.

Hao leaned in a little more. Ren could feel his pressure upon his back, his lips right against his ear, his groin pressed right up against his buttock… he hated every touch, feel and experience of it.

"Are you going to come tonight?" Hao demanded, pushing Ren's arm a little for good measure.

Ren winced – the pain was shooting, as though his arm would break in an instant. "_Kisama…"_ he cursed.

"Sorry, I couldn't hear you." Hao's tone was dangerous – so much more dangerous than Ren had ever heard it before. Ren knew that he would continue to do this until he got the answer he wanted. The pressure on Ren's back got heavier – Hao was now pushed squarely against him.

"Give me one good reason why I should…" Ren growled.

A few seconds passed. Then, in one swift motion, Hao span Ren back to face him. "I can you show you why."

Ren froze. The position he found himself in now was rather uncomfortable. Hao's face was less than an inch away from his own – their bodies even closer. Unwillingly, his cheeks flushed. Ren's golden orbs got one look at the carnal desire burning in Hao's eyes before powerful lips locked with his own. The hands pressing him to the wall began to wander, but retained all of their force. Ren felt the strong fingertips searing down his chest.

It was not just the fact that Ren couldn't fight against Hao's strength that subdued him – it was also the fact that somehow, he didn't _want_ to. Hao's touch was rough, uncaring of any damage it did to the skin it affected… but yet, bizarrely full of passion. The tongues of the two battled fiercely in each other's mouths, curling around one another in starvation. Their pulses raced faster; they struggled for breath. Ren kissed back just as hungrily as he felt Hao's hands smother his body. This kiss, though binding, was not… _gentle. _Something told Ren that inside of him, that though his mind might be enjoying this, his heart was far from doing so. This wasn't the kiss he loved… it wasn't soft, full of pure love, like the kisses of…

_Horo._

All at once, Ren's eyes shot open wide, and catching Hao in a moment of weakness, swung his knee into his stomach.

"Get the hell away from me!" Ren cried out breathlessly, his lips still glistening from the kiss.

Hao only recoiled for a moment, but Ren wasted no time. Just as Hao straightened up, Ren had wrestled free the lock that held the door closed and had taken off down the corridor. He ran, heart beating painfully against his ribs, out of the school building, not even looking back to see if Hao was following. He closed his eyes, pushing himself onward, body still tingling from the fiery experience…

"Hey, Ren. Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

Ren skidded to a halt. His eyes opened to be greeted with the face of his lover.

Without realising, Ren had traversed the stairs that led out of the building, and had reached the school gate where Horo always waited for him. And there he was, in all his innocence, greeting Ren with a smile, completely unaware of what had just come to pass in the classroom.

Ren didn't reply for a moment, just stared right into Horo's obsidian eyes, panting heavily.

"Where've you been anyway? You're kind of late out." Horo asked.

"Let's just keep walking. We need to leave here." Ren said, walking right past Horo and out of the gates.

Horo looked nonplussed. He simply followed Ren, asking no questions. His current ecstasy stopped him from realising that there was anything wrong with the Chinese.

As they walked, Horo noticed that Ren's pace was awkward, as though he wanted to break into a run, but kept restricting himself whenever he picked up speed. Horo thought nothing of it, his mind focused only on reaching the Onsen. All day his thoughts were occupied with only one thing, and now that one thing was less than an hour away. He smiled giddily to himself, his blissful mind seeing Ren's uneasy expression as a sign of anticipation.

This misunderstanding haunted them all the way back to their home, which they reached in complete silence. Following Horo through the entrance, Ren closed the door behind him heavily. Dropping his bag to the floor, he muttered, "That damn Hao…"

Horo turned around in the middle of the hallway, suddenly aware. "What's the matter, Ren? Has Hao been bothering you again?"

Ren closed his eyes, his guilt and shame burning up at once into anger. "That bastard should just learn to give up!" Ren cursed, dropping back and leaning against the door exhaustively. "He cornered me again!"

Horo looked nonplussed. He took a few steps closer to Ren and put his hands on his arms in an attempt to comfort him. "What did he do to you?"

"I was weak, and he… he tried to take advantage of me." Ren's cheeks reddened with the fury he felt towards himself and the whole sorry situation he had let himself get in to. "How pitiful must I look? I couldn't even fight the likes of him!"

"Ren…" Horo lifted his fingers to touch Ren's soft violet hair, curling it affectionately around his hands. He felt his own heart quicken at the prospect of being close to Ren, his anticipation for this night remembered. "You shouldn't let him get to you; you're worth twenty times what he is."

Ren felt Horo's lips touch his cheek, the hand on his arm lifting and placing itself instead upon his chest. "Horokeu…" he started.

Horo's want of holding Ren close rushed over him all at once, all the frustration of having to wait in anticipation an entire day for this night, and the Ainu placed passionate kisses on Ren's face, gradually dropping to his neck.

Ren tried to turn his head, straining his neck away from the touch. He felt Horo's hands wandering over the buttons on his shirt, carefully undoing them, slowly, one by one. He recoiled a little, putting his hands on Horo's shoulders and gently pushing him away – at the moment, this wasn't what he needed.

Horo, blinded by his passion, couldn't feel Ren's resistance. His kisses became deeper, his body even closer to Ren's now.

Ren tried to pry himself away from Horo's grasp, finding himself back in his terrifying moment with Hao. The only thing he could think of was stopping Horo. He wanted _comfort_, nothing else – as hard as it was for him to admit. He wanted only to talk to Horo about his experience today, to have Horo hold him close and tell him it was all going to be fine. Just to fall asleep in Horo's arms would have been enough to calm him and make him forget. Having suffered Hao's lust, all he seeked now was softness.

Horo pressed on, his lips catching those of Ren's. Pressing further, he hands danced across Ren's now bare chest.

Ren tried to move his lips away, shying away from Horo's searching tongue. It agitated him – this lust Horo was now displaying. It reminded him too much of Hao, the very emotion Hao was fuelled upon, so unlike Horo's true gentle nature. Currently, to Ren, lust was nothing more than an ugly disease that got into even the one he loved and changed him beyond recognition, albeit only temporarily. Did he really want to see Horo like this…?

He pressured Horo's shoulders further, fighting every touch. His agitation built up with every desperate, pleading kiss Horo battled to place upon his lips, greater and greater, until he reached what he felt was his breaking point. Through captured lips, he tried to cry out. "Why… why won't you listen to me?"

With these angry words, Horo's grasp loosened. Ren took advantage of the fact, pushing him backwards.

Horo stumbled away a few steps, shock written on his face, a kiss still smeared on his lips. "What's wrong, Ren…?

Ren shook his head, hands reaching for his brow in exasperation. "I don't want this. Not now." He turned his desperate eyes upon the Ainu. "Must you be so selfish?"

Horo reddened, the shock shifting to have shame replace it. "I'm sorry… I-I don't know what came over me…" he stammered.

Just seeing Horo's true innocent gaze and apologetic expression made Ren feel even angrier. Although these features meant everything to him, for that moment, he resented their purity. He simmered inside. "Just forget it," he seethed, turning around and opening the door.

Horo made no attempt to follow him as the door slammed closed.

Ren marched across the yard, buttoning up his shirt haphazardly, his attention fixed elsewhere.

Why must there be two extremes to everyone? Horo was so pure… so nauseatingly innocent and peaceful. Yet, when the moment overrode him, the lust took precedence and erased any impression of purity he possessed. Though he loved Horo – loved him more than he ever thought was possible for someone like the proud Tao Ren – something deep inside him resented the shift between the two extremes, two personalities, two demeanours. He dawdled over the fact that it wouldn't be so bad if Horo was not the way he was; if he was darker in personality, even only slightly, the transition would not be as noticeable, nor as disturbing.

As he stepped out into the street, fastening up the last button, his fingers caught the touch of something in his pocket. Keeping his pace, he took that something out and examined it in the waning light.

An image of Hao blurred his eyes for a moment, as his own thoughts echoed inside his head – '_darker in personality, bearable transition'…_

He remembered Hao's invitation earlier that day – the invitation to this shady-sounding place. _You might have fun, Ren…_

A flash of Hao's burning eyes came to his mind – somehow gentle in all their desire. And his touch; somehow soothing in all his lust, a world away from Horo's… and Ren's longing for comfort and company flared brighter.

The piece of square plastic he held in his hand was the Club Patch card.  
**- _Flashback end -_**

**_

* * *

Author's Note:_** Do I need to tell you all that I don't like this chapter very much? No, I thought not.  
I suppose this chapter can be considered seriouslyOOC on the most part for some characters, but I think you can see why they act why they do and so on if you follow their thought patterns. To me, being the author, I can see the pattern perfectly, and it seems believeable to me. The only problem is, I can't tell what readers of this are gonna think on this subject, so I'd really appreciate it if you'd let me know how it turned out. Could you follow (and more importantly, believe) what was happening?  
Thanks a lot, everyone! Next update soon - it's back to Hao and Horo! 


	12. Blame

**_Author's Note:_** Okay, feel free to beat me all you like.I'm late, I know.  
This is the penultimate chapter. Prepare for all to be revealed!

* * *

**- CHAPTER 12 -  
Blame **

"He told me… Ren told me all about you and the way you treated him." Hao said the Horaiken quivering in his hand. Every movement seemed to echo his murderous intent.

_Doesn't he see… that he's as much to blame as I am?_ The thought crossed Horo's mind only briefly, before dissipating to be replaced with another question. "What happened that night? When Ren came here?"

Hao grinned sadistically. "We talked. Drank a little. I spent the best night of my life with him here."

Horo noticed the tone of the brunette's voice waver – his words were an attempt at a taunt, but the state in which he had gotten himself while recounting his tale was something close to psychotic – like a murderer crazed at the prospect of another kill. And as Horo stared along the blade of the Horaiken, he realised that a murderer was exactly what Hao was. This was the same disturbing mental state he had been in the night Ren died…

Though Hao's tale had reminded Horo of his terrible actions that night – actions he still seemed to be paying penance for, even now – another thought struck him: _this was all because of Hao._ Had Hao not tried to take advantage of Ren that day, Horo would never have made his biggest mistake. Had Hao not got involved at all, Ren would still be…

"It was you." Horo said, his obsidian eyes fixed to the floor, fists clenching tight.

"What?" Hao growled in reply.

"Ren's death, my mistakes… everything. It was because of you!"

Hao laughed bitterly. "You really think trying to pin your shame on me is going to cleanse your soul? Oh, how wrong you are, Horokeu… no matter how you despise me, I _am_ the better man here. And because of that, I consider it my duty to show you the only way out of your current situation: for me to end your life, once and for all."

Horo suddenly felt his exhaustion of the situation wash over him. How tired he was… how very much he wanted this all to end… and it was time to do now what he had come here to do. He stood to his feet, trembling.

"Finally, a challenge…" Hao's eyes gleamed again with their horrifying sinister intent. "I'll make it painless!"

In an instant, the blue lights of the blue lights of the room seemed to spin around him, engulfing the space in which he stood. Next, the ripple of the powerful muscles in the arm of his attacker; a beam of the same neon-blue light, gleaming and focused upon him.

He moved – but not quick enough.

The gleam missed his heart, but instead, a searing pain shot through his shoulder blade.

Dizziness, then his body falling to the floor. Something red in front of his eyes… couldn't see. _Couldn't think_… why was the world slowing down? Mouth so dry; _like listening through water…_

Then a crash. An echo. Voices.

Had he… died? _Was this what it felt like to be gone?_

_Why so numb and… cold?_

Light swam in front of him. It wasn't cold like the blue light that had hurt him. It was yellow and warm. It was welcoming. It felt like… _home._

He blinked a few times, letting his eyes adjust to the glare. He could still see?

The main room of the Onsen swam into view, bleary and effervescent. Then there were three faces. Anna, Yoh, Pirika… he hardly had time to remember what had happened.

"Are you feeling alright, buddy?"

"Onii-chan, what _happened_!"

He felt his shoulder twitch instinctively, and found its movement restricted. He glanced down to see a bandage hugging his arm in place. "Hao…" he mumbled aloud.

"What were you doing in that dreadful place?" Pirika asked, placing her hands on top of his.

He looked around himself a little, trying to get his bearings. He was sitting up on the wooden floor, Yoh and Pirika perched near to him with concerned looks on their faces, and Anna; who hardly seemed to have noticed him come around, busying herself with something on the other side of the room, her back turned.

His obsidian eyes finally came back to rest on his sister's eyes. "I… I don't know…" he lied once again.

Pirika's gaze fell to the floor. "Anna has…" her voice dropped in volume until it barely audible. "Anna thinks she might know what's wrong with you."

He looked up sharply. "What…?"

"It's okay," comforted Yoh, a calming smile on his face. "She says she's got a way to help you. You can trust her on this one – she's the expert."

"I don't get… what are you guys talking about?" Horo looked from Pirika to Yoh and back again.

Anna turned around sharply, an agitated look on her face. "Ren's spirit. He's been with you all this time, right?"

Horo's eyes shot wide at her words, like a dagger piercing a nerve. He didn't say anything, or even move –he felt somewhat numb.

"Onii-chan… is it true? Is Anna right?" Pirika pleaded, her hands trembling upon his.

Then, like a barrier of strain finally broken by relief, his tears suddenly came. He didn't know what he felt – guilt, sorrow, release… it seemed to be a mixture of everything, all those weeks of suffering, finally understood. Was it too much to hope that Anna knew the truth?

The others were understanding of his tears. Pirika tightened her fingers around his, tears in her own eyes, feeling his pain. Yoh said nothing, knowing he was doing everything he could just by being there. Anna took Horo's sudden outburst as the confirmation that she had been waiting for, and continued with her work.

Horo tried to reach out to feel Ren's presence in his mind, searching for him. Once more, it seemed the spirit had abandoned him. It was too hard for him to believe this hadn't all been a dream – if Anna had realised, it must really have occurred…

Tears still sliding down his cheeks, his head bowed, he asked, quietly, "What happened to me… in Club Patch? Hao killed me, I… I remember it happening, I'm sure…"

"It looks like we got there just in time." He heard Yoh say. "Chocolove, Ryu and I managed to get in there as soon as we figured what was going on. It was really easy to get down there too – there wasn't anyone to stand in our way."

"Hao had removed all of his security, because… he wanted me to get in, no matter what. Even carrying the Horaiken." Horo explained, guilt overwhelming him. He tried desperately not to catch Pirika's eye, not wanting to see the disappointed look he was sure would be there.

"We worked out what happened to you, Onii-chan. You don't have to say it if it hurts you." Pirika whispered, softly.

"What I need to know is… how did you guys find me?" Horo asked, still not looking up.

Yoh sounded as though he was going to speak, before Anna cut across him sharply. "Pirika found that card in your pocket last night. It was sign enough."

_The Club Patch card…_ he though, inwardly.

"I'm sorry, Onii-chan…" Pirika muttered, guilt strung through her words.

Horo winced upon hearing the pain in her voice. Without looking at her, he said, "You didn't do anything wrong, Pirika. If you hadn't have figured out where I was going, Hao might've-"

"Don't say it." Pirika interrupted him. "I've nearly lost you once already."

Anna approached where they sat, placing three large, rounded black candles in front of them. Saying nothing, she stood up and returned to the other side of the room. Horo cast a worried glance at them, wondering what she intended to do with them.

Pirika swallowed back her fear, and managed to say, obviously with some difficulty, "Is it… is it true what Anna said? You were going to Club Patch to… _kill_ Hao?"

Horo closed his eyes, getting even more desperate not to see her now. This was some way for a big brother to act for his little sister to see. "I wanted revenge… for murdering Ren," he admitted. "I thought by killing Hao I could… get rid of my guilt for not saving Ren when I had the chance."

"And let me guess – Ren told you this?" Anna asked, turning to face them once again.

Horo nodded hesitantly. "Yeah, he did… but, Anna – how did you figure all of this out?"  
"The way you've been acting just recently has been completely out of the ordinary." She explained, finally sitting down beside them, in front of her black candles, her beads in her hands. "You were talking to yourself, and in your sleep. You were always talking about him. Of course, that kind of thing is normal behaviour for someone who has just lost an important person. So, I thought nothing of it at first.

"But then, suicide with Ren's sword? That was the first thing that grabbed my attention. I didn't assume it to be the work of a spirit then, but if I look at the whole picture now, it makes sense. At the time, the whole situation just struck me as odd. You know as well as I do that you're not like that."

Horo cast a glance at his left arm. The scars shone against his skin in a ghastly white hue. Permanent reminders of that terrible night.

"The attack on Chocolove – that whole mess just cried out 'possession'." She continued. "That's what happened, isn't it? He possessed you?"

Horo nodded unwillingly, trying to focus on the ringing in his ears.

"I thought so. All of the obvious signs were there, but I couldn't decide just from that incident if Ren was really still around – though those were my first suspicions. The next clue was the call from Jun."

Horo grimaced.

"You refused an invitation to Ren's funeral. _That_ isn't like you. Tell me, were you afraid of what Ren could have made you do to the people around you?"

The accuracy of Anna's words struck true, and he nodded again, feeling robbed of a voice.

"And around that time you started isolating yourself for the very same reason – fear of losing control. When Pirika came to me to tell me about Club Patch, it was finalised. I had a feeling I knew what your plan was. That's when I sent the boys on your case when you went missing tonight. And that, Horohoro, just about sums it up."

Horo was stunned. She had put everything so perfectly, knew his every move and every manipulation that Ren had made. It was alarming – but reassuring at the same time. He couldn't help but feel he was in good hands.

"But Anna…" he started, unsure how to phrase his question. "Why was I the only one able to see him? You should all be able to too, right?"

"I wouldn't be wrong if I said he only appeared to you when no one else was around, right?" Anna said, simply.

"That's true. But also… when he… possessed me, I could hear him talking to me. It wasn't outside of my head though, it was as though he was _inside_ somehow."

"Notice how he didn't actually take form while that happened," Anna stated, twisting the beads around in her hands. "It was possible that he had started the possession before he even made you attack, so he was 'inside' of you already, so to speak. He just kept a backseat and let you do as you wished until he seized control. That way, he ensured that you were not aware of it."

Horo thought back to all the times he had heard Ren talking to him, guiding him through his plans. _All those times… Ren had possession over me? To think I never even realised…_

Another question leapt to the forefront of his mind. "But, if Ren was a spirit, he shouldn't have been able to touch me, right? He _was_ able to touch me, and even managed to push me over at some point."

Anna just looked at him with darkened wise eyes. "You _gave_ him that strength, Horo. Were you afraid of him?"

A pause, then a slight nod.

"Fear creates things that reality can't allow. Like when a child sees shadows on the wall at night. If they believe a monster is crawling around the room, the eyes will make the shadows move and twist, though they actually remain still. Fear can give the most inanimate of objects power; it is the most powerful of our emotions. And because you feared Ren's spirit to the degree you did, it's possible that you created him the strength to push you over, and to touch you."

Horo's own shock at how philosophical this sounded was reflected on his sister's face.

Yoh seemed nonchalant as always, shifting the headphones on his head absent-mindedly.

"Anna…" Pirika piped up, a little shaken. "Why did Ren's spirit make him do all of these things? Ren… wouldn't have done that to him, I'm sure of it."

Horo nodded in agreement, amazed that he had not thought of the question himself. "Ren could be cold at times, but…" he dropped his gaze, feeling himself flush. "He never would have done anything to hurt me, I know it. H-He loved me."

Involuntarily, Horo suddenly realised that Ren had not once since his return in his new spirit form told Horo the words he loved to hear: _I love you._

Anna gave him a look that told him she thought he would have figured it out by now. "In Ren's last moments, what was his strongest emotion?"

He closed his eyes, casting a mind back. _They had left school, held hands, walked together as normal…_ "Love." He said, simply, before stopping short. "No…"

_Hao appeared, the look of fury on Ren's face, Hao's insults, then, his attack… _"It was hate, anger… because of Hao…"

"And you know that spirits that have things left to accomplish in this world don't pass on, don't you?" Anna asked. "Like Musuke waited to give Amidamaru his sword, and like Tokageroh remained with the intent to defeat Amidamaru as revenge?"

He nodded, half-heartedly.

"It's most likely that Ren had something more that he wanted to do, or even just say. Obviously to you, as it's you that he has been following around." Anna explained. "His only setbacks were the circumstances in which he died."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Pirika questioned.

"I'm getting to it," said Anna, giving her an agitated glance. "While Ren was alive, he was almost two different people: the tyrant who was raised to bring his family glory and destroy anyone in his path; and the Ren that we all came to know, and you, Horo, came to love. Ren was truly himself then, freed from his father's teachings. All that hate was gone. The personality shift was so differing that it, in theory, created two Tao Rens – two ways to remember him. There was the side that hated, and the side that loved. You have to admit, not many people experience a change like that in their lives. In that sense, he was pretty unique.

"When he was murdered, Ren's spirit was ripped between two emotions – his love for you, which kept him calling out to you, and his hatred for Hao, which kept him standing. I don't really understand the specifics of the next stage, but the way I see it, things could have ended up either way – Ren's spirit that returned could have been of the loving Tao Ren, or the hateful Tao Ren. Have a guess what happened.

"These two spirits, both loving and hateful, are more concentrated forms of the emotion they represent. In the same way the angry spirit that has been haunting you is an 'over-exaggerated' version of Ren's darker side, had his loving spirit appeared to you instead, we could presume that the way he would have acted might have been an overly-loving version of Ren rather than being overly-manipulative."

Horo sat, stunned for a few moments. He wasn't sure he understood. He wasn't sure Anna's theory had even touched his mind. He spoke again, in a slight stupor. "But why did he come back in the first place?"

"That," said Anna. "Is something you'd have to ask him yourself."

"How?"

"Ask his _true_ spirit, of course," she said, matter-of-factly. "If Ren wanted to say something to you that concerned love, but the hateful spirit was the one that hung on, those words would be impossible for it to fathom. It's like trying to imagine the _old_ Ren being loving. So, he responded in the only way he knew how: cruelty. Only his true spirit would know the answer to your question."

"Where do I find it?" Horo asked, almost immediately.

"Participate in this ritual, and I'll tell you." She said, standing to her feet.

He watched her warily. "What exactly is it?"

"You don't want Ren's vengeful spirit around forever, do you?" Anna asked, giving him a serious look. "We need to break the bond that's binding him here, and separate you two both into your respective worlds."

"Would he still be able to talk to Horo? I mean… his true spirit?" Pirika asked. "Otherwise Onii-chan might not be able to find put what Ren wanted to say."

"We're not dismissing his true spirit. The true spirit of Ren would be the combination of both of his 'sides'. This ritual will, if successful, reunite the two sides, and allow Ren's true spirit to take form." Anna explained, as though not sure they would understand. "Now, Yoh, Pirika – I need you out of the way."

They obliged, silently, moving to stand just behind her.

Horo looked at the candles assembled in front of him. They were in no special formation – simply assembled in a line. Eyes fixed upon their waxy surfaces, he saw Anna step into position just in front. She unfurled the beads, and they knocked together with a rhythmic sound.

"Horo, all I need you to do is focus on Ren's spirit – not the Ren you know, I want you to picture the spirit that has haunted you these past few weeks." Anna instructed.

Horo paused, then nodded silently.

"Are you ready?" Anna asked, giving him an emotionless stare.

"Yes, as long as you are." Horo said, before glancing toward Pirika and Yoh to give them a nervous smile.

He _was_ scared by the prospect of Anna's ritual, but he found even his first thoughts of Ren's spirit a whole world more terrifying.

The first thing he saw as he imagined Ren was his eyes – that golden, freezing stare, flickering with malice, empty and fear-inspiring. Horo shuddered and closed his own eyes. The dark he found behind his eyelids conjured Ren's whole translucent form to view. In his mind, the spirit laughed with an echoing and hollow sound. It laughed at his fear and his torment, his weakness and his guilt, and his sheer devotion to Ren's memory.

Horo clenched his fists, hearing Anna's words on the edge of a wind's breath.

"One I place for my father. Two I place for my mother. Three I place for my brothers back home."

The beads rattled ominously.

He saw the spirit move its lips, but he heard no sound. Ren's expression told him that the words were harsh – but the fear of losing his vision of the spirit and breaking Anna's ritual made him concentrate harder. He strained to hear Ren's voice.

"The blackened chains that bind you here, may you snap them loose and fly free. Struggle to the sky with ebony wings, pierced with arrows."

A flash of light snapped Horo out of his vision for a brief second. He glanced at the candles in front of him, and found one alight – glittering with a single black flame.

Stars exploded, making him close his eyes against the glare.

He found himself immediately back in a memory – a painful one which he hoped never to remember again.

_Ren's face was close, an icy chill stung on his face in place of a breath._

The urge to reach out and touch him was as strong as it had been then, but it was no different this time to how it was then: Ren still wasn't really there. As their lips moved closer to touch, Horo fell right through him.

The heat of another black flame lighting one of the candles touched the edge of his mind, licking at the chill he could feel haunting his skin.

"May you, as a part, return to your whole. Rejoin the circle; lose your beginning, and your end. You are one. You are whole. You are gone."

_Anna's words echoed aloud with Ren's cruel laughter as his face contorted in spite. "If you ever though I felt the same way about you, you were lying to yourself… you were lying… lying… lying…" Ren repeated the word like an echo, voice filled with more and more malice each time, each breath taken with the authority of one passing a death sentence. "…lying… LYING!"_

"Be gone!"

Anna's commanding tone was the last thing he heard, and the flicker of the final candle the last thing he felt before his head hit the ground for the second time that night.

* * *

**_Author's Note:_** Now I have a couple of things to say: first of all, I hope that this 'explanation' makes sense to you all, hasn't let you down, makes sense, and is plausible. I actually wrote this chapter a long while back, before even the last couple of chapters, and I've been worried about how you would all react to the ending ever since I began. Please let me know! And secondly, a huge thanks to superspork, who left a review as long as my arm full of praise for this fic. Thank you so much X3  
Stay tuned for the final chapter! 


	13. Forgiveness

**_Author's Note:_** I'M SORRY D:

**_Important:_** I'm not an expert on Chinese traditions - I simply researched them and relayed them as best as I could. I don't claim to have any particular knowledge on the subject, so forgive any mistakes that might have arisen. Also, don't take this as 'This Is Most Definitely What Every Chinese Funeral Is, Down to The Letter, because it's not, by any means.

* * *

**- CHAPTER 13 -  
Forgiveness**

"Usui-san? We will be nearing our destination within the next few minutes. Please make sure you are prepared."

Horo nodded in assent to the pair of deep-set eyes that regarded him through the rear-view mirror in the front of the car, then turned his gaze out of the window once more. Resting his forehead against the glass was comforting in a strange way. He liked the cooling touch pressed squarely against his skin. The car's motion rocked his head back and forth unwillingly, and he watched the streets of China shake as though experiencing an earthquake.

As promised, the car slowly pulled up only a few minutes later. The driver said nothing to acknowledge that they had arrived, but Horo didn't need informing.

The Ainu remained in his sear for a few minutes, gazing at the house before him. Yes, unmistakeably the place. He gazed at the building – a grand pearl-white hue, with traditional Chinese architecture. The gates, wide open as they were, were rust-red and heralded glamorous statues of Chinese dragons. It looked strangely typical, but it was by no means the abode of a wealthy family. It might once have been quite grand, but time was showing signs of wear and tear, upon closer inspection. Paint peeled around the edges of the building's corners, and there had been obvious, patchy repairs to the roof. The dragons' eyes looked as though they had once beset jewels, but now they were nothing more than dull, empty holes.

And today, the main house of the once-proud Tao family looked duller than ever.

The courtyard that stretched in front of the house, beyond the gates, was not in any way decorated; it was no more than a plain dirt-path that lead, expansively, to the front doors. In the middle of the forecourt was the strangest set-up Horo had ever seen.

Hesitating, Horo reached out for the handle of the car door. He looked back momentarily to whisper a nearly-forgotten thanks to his driver, then stepped out, right outside the gates. It was a solemn face that greeted him, clad in black.

"Good morning, Horokeu."

Horo shifted in his own deep-blue clothes that he had been advised to wear. "Hey, Jun."

She smiled at him, sombrely. Her face looked pale and sunken since he last saw her. "I'm glad to see you're in keeping with our traditions. It's gracious of you to do so."

Horo bowed his head slightly, in respect. "I'm glad I was able to attend."

"Come on – now you're here, we're ready to begin." Jun turned on her black-clad heels and lead Horo through the gate.

During the phone call he had had with Jun just before his departure to China, Jun had explained the customs that surrounded Chinese funerals. They were important affairs – believed to curse the hosting family if not carried out correctly. There were a lot of customs he was requested to follow himself.

"Of course, not being either of our family, or of Chinese origin, you are not expected to follow our traditions if you don't wish to." Jun had stressed.

"I'm going to, Jun. This is Ren's world – I want to experience it for myself, properly."

And so it became that he was garbed in the necessary colours. He learned that depending on their relationship to Ren, members of the Tao family would be wearing different hues – as an 'outsider', Horo was urged to wear bright colours.

As Jun walked into the yard, she gave more commentary for Horo's benefit, in her sombre voice. "Normally, because Ren is one of the youngest of the family, he would not even have a ceremony in his honour. It is improper for an elder to show respect to a younger individual. However… as he was the head of our family, the situation is quite different. All the remaining members of the Tao family are present."

And Jun wasn't lying. The most obscure part of the strange assembly in the centre of the courtyard was the lines of people seated in rows at the very edge of the arrangement, All were of Tao lineage, all with the same grieving expression on their faces, but all dressed in their various respective colours. They were all turned to face the strange wooden box in the centre of the two lines. It was black – unmistakeably a coffin, but its lid has a strange design of three humps that gave the box such a strange shape. At the foot of the coffin, a collection of strange and wonderful things Horo was later told were offerings. And in the middle of the mass of candles, slowly flickering and melting with their flames, was a lone, framed picture of Tao Ren.

Horo looked to Jun for guidance.

She caught his confusion almost instantly. "You sit there, at my father's right shoulder."

He nodded nervously in assent. There was no lie in saying that Tao En was a very foreboding individual. Horo walked to his place; unnerved by the way no one seemed to notice him, all of their heads bowed, seemingly praying. He passed Ren's grandfather, the watched as Jun took her place in the empty space next to him. To Jun's left, her mother. Then, Horo's place, to the right of Tao En. He crouched down, hesitantly, eyes flicking this way and that to see what everybody else was doing. He copied their position, and closed his eyes tight.

"Thank you for coming, Usui Horokeu."

The deep voice caused him to open one eye, squinting with the other, to see Ren's father next to him. En had remained still, not even opened his eyes as he spoke.

"Now… we can begin."

At once, the sound of gongs sounded – so authentically Chinese it was almost cliché. Horo bowed his head closer to his chest, until it began to hurt his neck, focusing on the reason he was here.

The rest of the day was lost, in a strange whirlwind of music, wailing, colours and tears.

**x.x.x**

Horo had been told that his excursion to the Tao residence would extend beyond the day of the funeral, but he was not told for what purpose this was. He had been there now for a week, and it was only yesterday – on his sixth day there – that he was told the true purpose of everyone remaining so stubbornly within the main house. And he watched them prepare for it the previous night. Flour had been dusted all around the floors of the house, in a practice Horo found most peculiar. He had watched En affix a crimson plaque to the outside of the house, inscribed with incomprehensible Chinese characters that he had no hope of reading. And finally, he was told that today, the seventh day marking Ren's burial, that he was to remain inside his room. He was left with sufficient food and water in his grand room, where he now sat, anxiously, on the bed.

The room itself was much like the outside of the house – it possessed a sense of grandeur once prevalent, but now remained more than a little tattered around the edges.

He had spent the whole day thinking and reflecting. What else was there to do? He had already counted the number of circular patterns on the walls of the room, and attempted to eat some of the food he had been left. But it was odd-tasting Chinese delicacy that wasn't quite to his liking. He began to wish he had thought to bring with him some wood, to carve a new Ikupasui, but precognition hadn't been that kind.

His thoughts drifted many times on to what today was going to be like. He didn't know what to expect. He didn't know whether to look forward to it, or fear it. He wondered when it was going to happen. He wanted it to be soon, he wanted it to be much later. He wanted it to never come. He wanted it to happen now. What would he do? What would he say? Would he feel scared, threatened? Would he be happy, gain closure?

His obsidian eyes drifted outside of the window. From here he could see the place where Ren was finally laid to rest, after ceremonies, chants and processions aplenty. His grave was positioned near the top of the hill, on the slant of the hillside – supposedly good fortune. It surprised Horo how important funerals to traditional Chinese families such as the Taos.

Anna has called yesterday and told him how Club Patch has been closed down. No one knew why, or how, but the place was completely deserted, leaving everyone with plenty of questions regarding Hao. Anna didn't know anything herself, but she suspected Hao was experiencing penance for his actions. Horo had spoken to everyone, including Pirika. His sister sent her love for her onii-chan, and her regards to the Tao family. She sounded so mature now. It made Horo smile.

He wondered what he would do once he got back home. Probably first thank Anna for her guidance, and for insisting he come to China for Ren's burial. And tell Pirika how proud he was of her. And apologise to Chocolove, Faust and Yoh for the trouble he had caused them. And then… what? The days seemed to stretch so long in front of him, endless and without Ren. What then? How to spend every day? How to stop himself crying at the thought of the one he loved? How was he supposed to continue without breaking down?

And why… why was thinking so painful? One painful thought arose, the next followed, almost seamlessly. It was like a cascade, a whirlwind of thoughts – and the more he thought, the further he went into his own mind, the further he wasn't to turn around and escape. But he cou-

The door came open. Only slightly, but it did. He clawed at the bedclothes beneath him with shaking fists. Unconsciously, Horo had been watching it the whole time. He has watched the door handle turn and release. He had heard the clicking of the lock sliding open. He gulped involuntarily, kneading the sheets between his fingers. Was it time?

A full minute passed. Nothing happened; no sound, no movement. Horo hardly dared to breathe.

It was nothing. Letting his muscles relax, Horo breathed out. False hope, he supposed. He felt a mixture of relief and disappointment run through him.

Sighing, he swung his legs off the bed, moving to go and close the door. He stepped along the bare polished floor at his usual pace, and clasped his hand around the golden door handle. The hallway was dark outside… pierced by the light of a pair of golden eyes.

Releasing the handle, he shot backwards. He came to a stop when the back of his knees hit the bed and knocked him down on to it.

Even then, there were still moments until there was any movement from beyond the door.

The door creaked on its hinges, and slid back slowly. The figure beyond it was revealed one feature at a time – a foot stepping inside the threshold first, followed by the mysterious silhouette of a body, and a shock of violet hair.

"Horokeu."

"Ren?"

The door was closed gently behind him, and for a moment, the spirit in front of him was living, breathing…

"Wh-What's up?" Horo asked, for a moment believing he really was back in the Onsen, and Ren had come to see him with a problem or concern… everything was as it had always been – Ren was still here.

Ren's expression on his translucent face enhanced this illusion furthermore. He looked as though there was something on his mind, a great weight on his shoulders that he needed to confide in Horo to rid himself of…

And perhaps he did; for this was the Chinese tradition of the return of the deceased.

The spirit stood there, not looking at him, expression guilt-ridden. Horo could make out a pale pink blush on his cheeks, and his whole composure was alien somehow.

"Horokeu," the spirit said again.

"What's the matter?" Horo hesitated knowing that something was definitely wrong.

A pause.

"I'm sorry."

And then, Horo realised what was so strange to him. _His voice…_ there was no sneering tone, no threats, no cold body language… this wasn't the spirit that had been following him the past few weeks… this _was_ Ren.

Suddenly his fear washed away. Shaking his head sympathetically, Horo stood up from the bed, and walked closer to the spirit. Reaching his hand out to touch, he stopped, remembering the rule.

"What for…?"

"Hao told you everything, didn't he?" For the first time, Ren lifted his head to look Horo in the eyes.

Horo kept that gaze. "Yes… yes, he did."

"I didn't want you to find out this way. I was going to tell you; as futile as that sounds now." Horo recognised the frustration and anger so familiar in Ren's tone. But this time, the fury was not directed towards Horo, but instead, towards himself.

Horo felt his hand move instinctively to reassuringly catch Ren's fingers in his. How could he comfort without that touch? "I understand, Ren…" Horo felt a single tear slide, unbidden, down his cheeks. "It wasn't your fault, it was mine."

"No matter what happened that night, I had no reason to behave so thoughtlessly. You were far from the guilty party – as was Hao, even. I caused all this for myself."

"Please, don't talk like that. It's over now, it's in the past," Horo shook his head to dismiss the notion.

"But, Horokeu… I can't begin to apologize for everything that's happened to you over the recent weeks." Ren reached out a ghostly hand to gently touch the surface of the scars upon Horo's arms.

"That wasn't you. You had no part in that. It was only because I was naïve enough to _think_ it was you that this happened to me. In spite of it all, I… I think I'm stronger now. Everything in your life teaches you a valuable lesson – that's what I believe. This was no exception." Horo shrugged, giving Ren a watery smile. "But this is it. It's over now. I guess now we're both moving on, going our own ways."

With a sway, Horo felt his legs buckle beneath him, and he fell heavily to the floor, tears now streaming like rivers. He could hold them back no longer. Head bowed to the floor, at Ren's feet, he struggled through his sorrow. "Ren… what do I do now? I was hoping that coming to China would help me, that I'd feel better somehow after this. I really convinced myself that was true. But now… I feel worse. I'm glad that the torment is over, but in a way… I somehow wish it wasn't. If it meant you could stay, I'd… I'd do it all over again."

Then, gently, like a blanket falling around his shoulders, he felt a warmth envelope him. It was soothing, sunk through his skin and embraced every bone in his body. It shook through him, like a chill, but so, so much _warmer_, and so much more familiar.

"Horokeu."

Glancing up, Horo caught sight of Ren's eyes again. This time, an inch away from his own. Ren was resting his translucent arms around his shoulders – and though Horo could not feel the touch, he felt the _warmth_. No more cold, no more loneliness.

"Ren… what was the message… that you stayed here to say?"

"You know it already. My confession was what bound me here. I needed to tell you what occurred between Hao and I. I couldn't have passed on knowing that you were unaware of what I did to you."

"Was that all?" Horo felt his heart sink. Why, he did not know. What was he really hoping for? Had he glorified this moment in his mind?

"I also wanted to give you this."

Ren moved forward, and Horo felt that same warmth spread over his lips. A kiss.

The spirit lingered there for moments, and the warmth evaporated the building tears. It stroked his mind, calmed him. He closed his eyes, letting it smother him.

And just like that, it was over.

"Horokeu… I love you. Truly, I do."

The words sounded only as an echo. Horo dared not open his eyes, afraid of what he might not see.

"Ren…"

Lips still tingling, body buzzing with warmth; he clasped his arms around himself, unable to stop the tears falling, and the smile that teased his lips.

"Live on. Be strong."

It was time to move on.

* * *

**_Author's Note:_** Phew... that's it! Shattered's finally over. I'm sorry if the ending was a disappointment to anyone - if I'm honest, I don't like it myself. But let's face it, if I'd have spent any longer worrying about how you guys would react to it, you **NEVER** would have seen this chapter up here!  
Thank you so much for all your support, everyone (Godfather's Sweetheart, you are a saviour, as always. If it wasn't for your support, I'd have stopped writing this long ago), and again, I'm so sorry for how long this has taken me!  
And believe it or not... Shattered has nearly been one whole year in progress. How happy I am to finally bring closure to both the story, and the characters. Thanks for your time! 


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